To My Friends: Past & Present

"Every friendship has its beginning's. For some, it might be playing four square on the playground in elementary school. For others, it could be a math or geography class in junior high. In high school, two people can discover the love of being behind the wheel together in driver’s ed. In college, you meet and bond with people and together work through the potholes of growing up. Wherever life takes you, friendships blossom as each learn the joy and heartbreak when friends go in and out of our lives. As time goes on, lessons continue to be learned as you mature, grow and enter and exit different chapters of your life. Whether your friendship begins on the playground, school, church, work, or dance class, they're yet another tender mercy from the Lord. The bad friends are mercies intended to get you to learn something and shape you into the mold God has planned for you. The good friends are mercies intended to make you smile at a time when perhaps nothing else could. They too, allow you to learn things you might never experience had you've never met. The best friends are difficult to describe because, as most things now a days, they are rare. Some can go throughout their entire lives and never experience the pain, tears, disappointment, hurt, hugs, support and love granted only by someone as special as a best friend. “To each a friend his own”, meaning no one can write a dictionary definition of what a best friend is because everyone's different. Nonetheless, the basic concept behind friendships is consistent among any group, race or nationality; two people are friends because on some level, that other person is a part of them. Like a relationship with your significant other, the happiness of the one is dependent on the other. They are God’s precious gift to His children to place two or more people together at exactly the right time in order to bring a little of His peace through the arms or voice of another. Although friendships come and go, and even best friends fade in and out of our lives, they're apart of us for whatever fraction of time they made us laugh, hugged when we were upset, and listened when an ear was needed. Even if only for a day, it was made better because he or she was included in it. How blessed a person is when they have lots of days to be thankful for."

I originally wrote this passage in my journal one very late night when I was working graves this last summer. Recent events had forced me to evaluate what a friend was and if I myself was being satisfactory to those I call my comrades. A few days later, I sent this same segment to my best friend, following an additional 7 pages of thoughts and feelings. As many may know, I love letters! I love to write them and I love to get them. Many of my friends have received letters, whether in the form of post-its, stationary, emails, Facebook messages, texts, whatever, I give them often. In the words of Albus Dumbledore, “words are are most inexhaustible source of magic, capable of both inflicting injury and remedying it”. While I often tell people that I don’t want to hear what you have to say, I want to see what you do, I’ve found that’s somewhat hypocritical of me because some of my most treasured materials are the pieces of paper with gentle words of love and hope from those I’ve had the pleasure of calling my friends.

When I was sitting in my Doctrine and Covenants class last Monday, our professor was teaching about Oliver Cowdery. She pointed out that many of us might overlook the relationship he and Joseph Smith might have had. Generally, we only think of the miraculous work they did together in restoring the Gospel of Jesus Christ back onto the earth. Nonetheless, Sister Tait pointed out that with so much time and energy spent together, the friendship that existed between the two men must have been, in her words, “a companionship in which few truly know of or have experienced personally for themselves”. Her comments struck a chord with me. What sort of friendship had the two men shared? After class was over and throughout the week, I’ve found that thoughts about past and present friendships have been occupying my mind. Little “reminders” have continued to pop in to my daily life about who my friends are, who my friends were, and how much I love each of them so tenderly. To each of you, my best wishes and a giant "thank you".

I still remember who my first best friend was. Back in days of “bike shorts”, crocked teeth, and playing house, Miss Zoe Smith, now Mrs. Zoe Richmond, and I were attached at the hip. Without a doubt, every Saturday morning the familiar phone call would be made for one of us to come over and play from "1-5". Zobug and I knew how to have fun and made some terrific memories in the process. We’d play with my rather large Barbie collection at my house and play in the wicked awesome playhouse my dad built us in the backyard. We’d share my baby doll, Mary, and in order to avoid a fight, we were Mary’s older sister who took care of her equally because our mom died. We would play with Zoe’s tea set and run to “catch the train” on her trampoline. The storage house in her backyard became our office slash apartment slash whatever we wanted at the time. We had a stack of CD’s by her stereo and when we played grownups, we’d pick a CD and say “I look like Rachel (from the old time band S Club 7 [a favorite of ours!], but I’m wearing the outfit Britney Spears is wearing [don't worry, it was the Baby, One More Time CD]) Nick Lachey was always my boyfriend. So sorry Zo, but I can’t remember for the life of me who yours was. Was it Nick from Backstreet Boys? Every Sunday, we’d met after Sacrament meeting and walked to Sunday school where we tirelessly told our 7 year old boy-friends that they needed to be quiet. Oh the days of simplicity and innocence! My little Zoe isn’t quite so little anymore. She became one of the most beautiful brides I’ve ever seen. Really the only times I get to see her now is are exchanges in the Stat lab last semester and walking through the library. Regardless, Zobug did and always will put a big smile on my face and warm my heart with joy.




On my first day at a new elementary school, I met the teacher's daughter and my new friend, Rachel Summers, now Rachel Steadman. She was my first "real" friend I made in Utah and I'm still grateful the 9 year old with wild curly blond hair asked me to play at recess. Next came Lexi Aurich, soon to be Lexi Burr. To this day, I still consider her to be one of the most beautiful girls I've ever met. On top of her outer beauty, the brilliant light she exudes on behalf of her testimony and belief in Jesus Christ radiates and uplifts a room. She still remains a huge example to this day. Courtney, Jessica and I played night games with boys, which at the time we thought was the coolest thing possible. Alexandra and I planned to open an affordable day spa for mommies when we grew up. Brynn and I scrapbooked and listened to the early days of Taylor Swift. I dressed up for football games with Reegan. Brad gave me the biggest bear hugs I've ever had and protected me from the crazies in Washington D.C. My PLT family and I made Roman noodles after almost every presentation senior year. My FCCLA officers and I attempted to do math at the local Harmon's and were off just enough to buy apple juice for the next 3 years. Jordyn and I slept through study hall together. Colby and I fought over where the nearest Best Buy was located (and I'd like to add I was right on the location). From elementary school through high school, I've been given some of the most wonderful friends and made some fabulous memories.

I cannot talk about friends without speaking of a girl I’ve known and remained friends with for the last 10 years. Yes, I mean you Miss Amber Jolley! Ambi (other nicknames include, but not limited to, Bambi and Brooj) and I have seen each other through all the stages you can to this point. We spent our days as kids together, went through the awkward junior high phase together, we learned to drive together, graduated together and yes, even went to college together. We have this remarkable way of picking up where we last left off within minutes, even if the last time we saw each other has been months. By far, she is my most “feisty” friend I have. She’s determined to marry her perfect body built black English man, she’s GOING to make it to New York and she WILL “have it all”! And I stand firm when I say she’s the only person who can say that and I don’t find completely annoying. One summer, we spent every single day together. I mean that quite literally because we also went to the same home ward. That summer, we watched Moulin Rouge everyday to the point we could quote it perfectly. We did gymnastics on her trampoline. We shared treats at girl’s camp and she indulged me on my pleas to NEVER sleep on the walls of the tent on account of bears. We’ve had our fair share of food parties while we watch One Tree Hill. Our favorite would have to be eating brownies right from the pan. I’ve bugged her to tears with my “motherly ways” and she’s about killed me whenever she poked my back during AP art history (which was on a daily basis), but we’ve managed to stay close. We went to San Francisco together where we managed to get lost a few times, but always managed to return to our hotel room with a fresh stash of Ghirardelli chocolate. I could write for pages about all the fun memories, we've made. Love you chicka! I'm so glad I can still call you up anytime, anywhere when I need a fun night out!




Haley Needs moved to Draper when we were 16 years old. Haley may be small in size, but her attitude is big with an even larger heart. She is the kind of friend everybody deserves to have. She’s there for you when you need her and without hesitation. She’s forgiving and offers second chances where chances are deserved. She’s considerably smart and intelligent, which I’ve learned are two different things. She cares about other people and their happiness. As we’ve grown older, Haley and I don’t see each other as much as I’d like, but she has a particularly soft spot in my heart which will not go away.




This next friend is difficult to describe because she has a lot of layers you have to get through before you see who she really is. I guess in a way we share that in common. She’s had to deal with more in 20 years than many will probably experience in a lifetime. Most question our friendship and at certain times, both of us have too. We’re about as opposite as you can be. I don’t know how and I don’t know why, but God has put this girl in my life and for one reason or another, no matter what happens, our very different paths somehow continue to cross. She’s not perfect, but none of us are. She’s hard to get to know and she’s stubborn as can be. She can’t cook worth her life. Driving causes her severe anxiety. She’s got a fiery temper and a mouth that of a sailor. For those people who can't see what I see, I'm sorry. I’ve had the pleasure of getting to know the person behind the thick, concrete walls and guarded eyes and I see the girl with a beautiful, free spirit. She helps people. She never stops trying. She's terribly independent, but with that brings strength and determination. We’re two very different people going on two very different paths with very different goals for our life, but no matter what happens, Rach, you’ll always be one of my best friends. I am so proud of you. You continue to awe me with how you handle the hurdles barreling your way. I believe in you and I always will! I love you dearly!




In Sandy, Utah there’s a little brick building in an abandoned parking lot with graffiti on its side that houses the business, Canyon View Cleaners. My first “official job” was being a night girl. We “night girls” met when we were 15-16 years old and have continued to get together for weddings, babies, graduations, and merely fun party nights. These girls are like my sisters and I look up to them in different ways. I’m proud of what they’ve accomplished. I’m overjoyed that we’ve remained in contact with one another. I can’t use 409 anymore without thinking of you Aubrey and our fight we had in which we both inhaled the chemical. Keisha, remember that time you screamed and climbed on top of the counter because you saw a spider? Mikki, remember when you slept in the dryer with our baby teddy bear we got from McDonalds? I learned all about boys from Tayler and laughed about it all with Jess. Remember that time we did that thing on the conveyor belt that was kind of naughty and then marked it with a sharpie on the wall? I wonder if our art collection is still above the lighting. Whatever happened to our horror movie we were going to make in the rafters? Oh and let’s not forget Melissa – “he hit me just like this!” Oh the good ol' days..I can’t wait to see you again at Tayler’s bridal shower.





Enter college. Enter BYU. Enter Chipman Hall. Enter some of the best friends I’ve ever had.

I was (am) blessed to have met the people I did. The 30 girls I lived with last year were incredible. I could not have asked for a better singles ward. I met some of the most trustworthy gentlemen in my life. I’ve never laughed so much or cried so hard. I wouldn’t take back any of the experiences for the world.









I choose these next words very carefully as they describe people who for a brief time, became the center of my world. With backgrounds as different as the snow that falls from the sky, Hailey, Caroline, Katie, Amber and I landed on the same dorm floor and became the inseparable 5. By far, they were my favorite part of my first year of college. They were God’s tender mercy for me in that moment. We spent way too many nights lying on my “couch” and floor until the wee hours of the morning talking. We took trips to Salt Lake, Draper and Deer Valley together. We ate a lot of cupcakes at Cocoa Bean and made a few midnight runs to Wendy’s and Sonic. We kept the rest of the floor up at night. We made a "hotty potty" in the bathroom, which stupidly got a bunch of restrictions put on it within the week. We through whipping cream and frosting in each other's hair. We laughed until it hurt and we cried until we couldn't speak. Katie showed me what true dedication means to your family. Caroline recognized loyalty to yourself, family and friends goes beyond saying what a person wants to hear, but what they need to hear; something I benefited from. Amber taught me that it's okay to be who you are and if someone doesn't like you for exactly who you are, they deserve not a moment more of your time. Hailey reminded me that your friends are the people who make you feel good about yourself and overall should make you happy; both of which, she did for me. I love those girls. While our paths, too, have gone in different directions, the memories I hold of the 5 of us brings me a lot of joy. No regrets. No bitterness. Just smiles for what's been and warm wishes for what happens to each of us in the future.




My roommates this year have been so good to me. Shelly teaches me how lucky I am to have had the Gospel my whole life and to have a family that supports me in my decisions. Kelsey was my first “official” college friend I made and I still look forward to when we have our long late night chats and occasional “roommate prayer”. Heavenly Father knew I needed Whitney, especially this year. She is so kind and classy. She’s smart and determined and dedicated to her family and her studies. She believes in Jesus Christ and her testimony and faith never waver. She does and will continue to change people’s lives for the better and success is going to follow her on whatever path she takes.






Friends are important to me. I treasure my friendships. Sometimes, I’ve been the best friend. Sometimes I’ve been the friend in need of saving. At times, I’ve been the mean friend in need of forgiveness and other times, I’m the one forgiving others. I heard it once said that “a friendship cannot be steadfast until it’s been tested and triumphed over the things that work to tear it apart.” I believe that’s true. I believe that it’s the people who stick around when you’re at your lowest and ugliest moments that deserve your friendship at your highest and most thrilling. I believe that some friendships do not start on Earth, but merely continue from the life we had before and will only grow in the life to come later. Friends are family you choose. They’re the people who would rather be anywhere else in the world but they stay because you need them. They’re the people who find the way to stay in your life, even when life gets complicated. They’re the ones who believe in you even when you make mistakes. They’re the people you ask the weird questions to or have conversations that if anyone else were to hear, they’d stick you in a mental facility. They’re the people who understand everything you’re saying without one word coming out of your mouth. They’re the people who stick around when you screw up. They’re the people who can’t fix all your problems, but they won’t let you face them alone. They love you when you least deserve it. They laugh at you when you fall, but help pick you up anyways…and then trip you again. They’re the people who can see through the “I’m fine’s.” They’re the people you can be completely silent with and yet be perfectly comfortable. They’re the kind of people who don’t question when you need help dumping the body bag into the lake. A friend is your needs answered. They’re the people you call at 2 o’clock in the morning when you’re upset over homework or gushing over a new boyfriend. They’re the people who think you’re a “somebody” when the world sees you as “nobody”. They’re the ones with the soggy shoulder. Your friends are the ones you’d lie for, cry for, take a bullet and straight up die for.










When a friend does something wrong, don’t forget all the things they did right. No one is perfect. No friendship is going to be perfect, but it’s those people who remain when everything in the world is telling them not to when you will see your true friends. Keisha told me once that “the most beautiful discovery between friends is growing up without growing apart”. Many friendships have come and gone in my short 19 years. However, there are few who distinctively made an impact in and on my life; who have chipped away the different marble surrounding the statue God is creating of me (yes, I had to pull in an art history analogy). I love you all. I love you, my dear friends. MUAH!

Loves!

So Much Can Be Said When It's Quiet

Tonight, Shelly and Keaton went to dinner with his family in Salt Lake. Kelsey wasn’t home from school yet and wasn’t expected to be for at least a couple more hours. I had just dropped Whitney off at the “Crabtree” (aka where all the engineering majors hang out eating fruits snacks and studying). The apartment was all mine for this brief period of time. While this isn’t terribly uncommon, I was particularly…(I can’t think of the appropriate word…excited? happy?) whatever because it was dark outside. Many don’t know this about me, but I love when it’s dark or when dim lighting is your only source of electricity. It’s just comforting to me. Anywho, I brought out my red pillow from my bedroom, put my iTunes on repeat, and turned out the lights. I laid down on the floor and stuck my feet on the couch. With the music softly playing in the background and all the lights off, I just stared at the ceiling and played with my necklace. It felt like everything in the world, of the world, about the world, just paused for a moment or two. It was just me and the quiet. So much can be said when it’s quiet. I found that that’s when I do my best thinking. Often I find that taking just a minute to inhale a few breaths, stare at the ceiling and listen to the unknown wonders of silence can heal what might be broken. I began to think if I could have anything in this particular moment, what would I want; what would I have right now? I thought how wonderful it would be to have someone to sit with in the quiet. There would be no need to talk. I’ve found that so much can be said without uttering a single word. I like the quiet. People may be healed. Resolutions may be decided. Smiles may appear. Trust may be formed or reformed. Or for a brief moment in time, one may feel a small step closer to the veil and one with Father in Heaven.

I thought about a lot of things while I lied on the floor tonight. I thought about how in 3 hours, my Italian Renaissance professor has only talked about 1 small chapel painted by Giotto and a couple altar pieces by Cimabue and Duccio. The knowledge and spiritual gifts one acquires when they sit down to learn art is a testimony close to my heart. I thought about my baby niece or nephew that’s waiting so patiently to come down to earth to be with mommy and daddy. I hope I can love them as much as they deserve and more. I thought about the future and what it will hold. Who will be included? Whose already been left behind? I thought about my testimony. I thought about Christ’s love for me as an individual; as Megan Anne. Does He really have a plan specifically designed for me? I thought about how small I am in the grand scheme of our immaculate universe; which led me to think about the people I personally care about. They, too, are just another human being on the planet. However, in my eyes, so many of you are the biggest parts of me. I have this quote up in my bedroom and while it’s corny and somewhat cliché, I believe it wholeheartedly: “To the world you may be one person, but to one person, you may be the world.” I have people who are my world. Am I a “world” to another? I thought about regrets and how thankful I am that while they hurt in a particular moment, they don’t have to live with you forever. With our agency, we have the beautiful capability to let it go through means of the Atonement and forgiveness of one’s self and others. I thought about what it means to be a friend and to have a friend. What a fortune and blessing it is to call someone your friend. Let us all take care of our friends! And if there comes a point where a pair must part ways, as difficult as it can be then, cherish what you had once and allow it to shape you into a better person for what lies in store. I thought about things I’ve said and things I wish I’d said. I thought about times where I wish I was more courageous. I thought about times when I wish I could say what I was thinking. I thought about my bad choices. But then I thought about my good choices and where’s they’ve gotten me. Life isn’t solely determined when you’re 20 years old, as much as I like to think or sometimes wish it did…emphasis on the sometimes). I thought about what I’d say if I could say anything to anybody. Then I realized in that silent, peaceful moment, I wouldn’t want to say anything. I’d want to lie on the floor with my feet on the couch, music playing ever so softly in the background and listen to the stillness surrounding the room. For, but a moment, everything was quiet and still and for me, calm.

Then what would happen? I got a call to pick up my roommate. The couples came home. And life became loud again. But I treasure that for one particular moment; I could just close my eyes and find peace..

Loves!

Also, if you’re reading this, that wasn’t all I called for.

Twenty-12!

Happy New Year! I hate to be so corny, but as most well know, I am, so I won’t feel silly when I say I LOVE this time of year! I love the feeling of starting something new; perhaps a new adventure, a new relationship, a new semester, or a new chapter of life. Whatever it is, we have the option, the choice, to decide whatever happens next and if that be not the case, we choose how we’ll handle whatever happens next. It’s a new year. It’s a time to sit down and reflect on the years’ past and determine how and where we go with the next. Here’s to a new year; here’s to 2012!
3 mornings ago, I was sitting in yet another hospital waiting room for what seemed like another appointment that was going to get me nowhere. After already seeing the doctor and getting more lab work done, I was tired and ready to go home. I leaned my head back against the wall and shut my eyes while a steam of profanities ran through my mind (I won’t deny, it’s nothing short of the truth). Besides the normal feelings you get from being in a hospital, my eyes were baggy and my body was pale because of what seemed like unbearable tension and strain that overwhelmed me. Winter semester at Brigham Young University had started the day previous and yet I was still battling the decision between staying in Provo or moving away for the next 13 weeks with my sister to San Diego or New York City. The decision was mine, yet I had no idea what to do. I kept praying to the Lord for guidance and I finally realized that He was letting me take the ropes on this one; I needed to make the decision for myself. (Me being me, I did not like that answer! In this case, I just wanted to be told what to do, when to do it. Darn answer to prayers!) Anywho, as I battled back and forth, I kept watching the different patients go in and out of offices and senior citizens trying to figure out how to use the “self-check in” kiosks. With my head in my hand, my eyes starting to glisten, and what I call “yoga breaths” in motion, I weighed the pros and cons of each choice. Almost everyone within a few years of my age think I’d be a total idiot for not pursuing this great adventure with my sister. My parents, on the other hand, had other ideas in mind. Not to discredit Provo, but it hasn’t been a place I’ve wanted to be in lately. The idea of “running away” from MRI’s, heart monitors, midterms, drama, and singles wards sounded purely delightful! (again, not that those things are always a bad thing). With my health where it is, I didn’t think I could handle a big school load. So what do I do? I lifted my head up and saw the many people who what looked to me, would never have the option to pause life and take a 3 month vacation from life. Not too many can. I’m pretty lucky to even have the choice of doing so. To fast forward to present, I’m sitting on my bed in Provo hoping I made the right decision. While living in NYC would be amazing, I don’t think my parents nor could my bank account handle such an adventure, at least right now. I’m going to school part time this semester; 5 easy-peasy credit hours on Monday and Wednesday afternoons. I’m taking two classes that actually interest me: Italian Renaissance and Doctrine and Covenants. I currently have two jobs, but I’m on the hunt for job number 3 and possibly job number 4. I’ll be perfectly honest here, I have absolutely not a clue what I’m doing, but as my new clock says, “the BEST thing about the future is that it comes ONE day at a TIME.” A dear friend of mine, Elder Orson, told me quite matter-of-factly that it doesn’t matter what anyone says or does so long as you’re doing what’s best for you. I love that boy! These missionaries are in different countries and speaking different languages, but they still know how to take care of me abroad. Thank you!
Today, I've begun to write down my New Year resolutions for this upcoming year. I look forward to what this new year brings me. So here we go Utah County. Megan’s here for another semester. Whatever, will happen next?

Loves!