Picture this with me: it’s about 2:30 a.m. on a Thursday night (Thursday December 13th to be exact) and my roommate, Katie, and I are sitting in our front room desperately trying to study for the last day of finals that were only a few short hours away from beginning. Although the precise events leading up to Katie and I jamming to “rock” are a little hazy now, I believe I was sitting at the kitchen table reviewing American Art flashcards when Kate stood up and demanded we have a cereal break and each choose a song that would get us “pumped” for the rest of the long night of studying. Bless her because at that moment, I do remember needing a break. When it came my turn to choose a song, I couldn’t think of one I really needed to hear, but I went to my “rock” playlist anyways and clicked on If Today Was Your Last Day from Nickelback. The song sparked a conversation between Katie and I on what we would do if we found out right then and there that we only had 24 more hours to live. Various answers and ideas came from us both, but we both agreed that we would want the people we leave behind to know they were tremendously loved. While the conversation lasted probably no more than 10 minutes, I didn’t realize at the time that I would look back on the things I’d said in just a few hours.
Fast forward to roughly 12:45 p.m. that Friday afternoon as I am walking out of my third final. I go to check my phone when I see that my aunt Sara had posted another status update on Facebook; such status would be one of many in response to the elementary school shooting in Connecticut that had occurred earlier that morning. Shocked, confused and naturally upset, I sat down on the couches of the Jesse Knight Building third floor and KSL’d the words “shooting” and “Connecticut” to discover the horrific massacre of one man’s choices; the death of over 20 children and adults. I couldn’t believe it. Instead of being the most wonderful time of the year for innocent children, that Friday morning became a nightmare.
I do not wish to dwell on the subject, although I do think it is eminent to take the time to reflect on the events that occurred and think about what each of us can learn from it. For me, as I sat down on the couches and looked out the window to all those walking across campus, I realized that while I’m sure most of those children were tucked in their beds around the time Katie and I were having our conceivably morbid conversation on death, for them, they had less than 24 hours to live; to begin to live their lives; to begin anything; such sweet spirits taken from this earth long before they were perhaps meant to. What an inconceivable tragedy it was; that still is! Much to my dismay, I still had one last final to take care of that Friday afternoon, but before putting the news away and reviewing one last time for Greek, I put my head back, shut my eyes and envisioned if I were in their place and in that classroom when the first gun shots fired. It is hard to imagine. It is painful to believe the actions of another human. While I don’t think it is easy or even possible to look for any sort of positive that came from this tragedy, for those of us left behind to deal with the painful emotions that are born with such heartbreak, maybe we can learn to live or at least think about what we each would do if today was our last day.
As some of the song lyrics go: “…if today was your last day, if tomorrow was too late, could you say goodbye to yesterday? Would you live each moment like your last? Leave old pictures in the past? Donate every dime you had? Would you call those friends you never see; reminisce old memories? Would you forgive your enemies? Would you find that one you’re dreaming of? Swear up and down to God above that you’d finally fall in love? If today was your last day, if today was your last day…” Family, personal and now nationwide tragedy proves to us, proves to me, over and over again that death comes unexpectedly. Life happens and sometimes the people we love our taken from us without warning. I would hate to finish my life with a heart full of regret because someone else left me before I could express to them my love, my gratitude and my appreciation for them. Life, as we know, can and will be a challenge sometimes. But it’s my belief that one of the greatest joys we have in this life is the chance to live and choose what we do and who we do it with. We’re each able to choose whether we’ll take the risk of a new relationship, apply for the adoption, go on that spontaneous vacation with friends or quit the job you hate. It’s through the ups and downs, the good days and bad, and the moments that make you cry tears of joy or tears of pain that make you into who you are; into who you’re meant to be in the future. Take the step on the unpaved path and create your own. Try something new. Love the person you’re too afraid to approach with sincere feelings. Don’t run away; instead stop, look around at the beauty surrounding you and realize that it could all be taken away so quickly. Enjoy the journey now and fight like hell (sorry readers – it was just necessary!) for the things and the people you want and that which will make you happiest. I write this not so much from atop my soap box, but instead for me to remember in the rocky future I’m sure that awaits me, and us all.
Finally, and above all, I want my family and friends to know that I love you and if today were my last day, I would want this sentence left behind in the hearts of those I treasure: I care for you, I miss you when I’m not with you and my prayers and warm wishes are always heading for you. I’m grateful for my terrific family and the time we share together, especially over this last holiday break. It’s in the little moments like playing Disney Monopoly or the train game, eating yummy goodness from the hands of mom or grandma or hearing the giggle of my number one chubby cheek man that I’ve realized how special it is to be together and how lucky each one of us are to have a family. I love you all! Even now, I still watch and learn from you. I’m anxiously looking forward to seeing where we each go in the future and the various roads we each will take. I’m grateful and blessed to have friends who make me laugh, make me struggle and make me happy. We’re not always each other’s favorite, however, when it comes down to what’s important, the overall friendship will always win. I’m happy for the laughs, for the tears, for the food fights, for the outlandishly large, ridiculous Christmas tree that landed in my front room at 1 o’clock in the morning, for the baked goods that never get cleaned up (or usually eaten), for the scary movies, for the random trips to Wal-Mart and DI (still disgusted by it all!), for weekend getaways, for the chats we have at work while we eat lunch or dinner, for the reunions we have when one of us gets married or is expecting a baby, for the 2 dozen doughnuts we needed to have, for the birthday parties and dinners and shopping trips, for the little notes left on the mirror or door just for the intention of making one smile, for the dance parties, for the late night chats, for the arguments that mean nothing in the long run, for the good times and for the bad. Even when I don’t always see it, I’m grateful for them. I’m grateful for my new found friends that have opened their home (and couch) and given their invaluable advice and offered a lending ear to an old friend who needed a new place to go with new friends to have for the new chapter about to begin in her life. Thank you, thank you, thank you!! You all mean the world to me. Finally, I’m grateful for that one person who isn’t perfect, but is perfect for me; who I get to see and admire because of their talents; who I have grown to love in a way I never knew was possible until now. I love you most!
May we each take the time to enjoy the little things and express to those most in need of tender loving care. May we, may [I], learn to let it all go, stop caring about what I’m “supposed” to do and start living the way I want to. May we all live today like it was our last day.
Loves!
