The Dash by Linda Ellis
I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
From the beginning...to the end.
He noted that first came her date of birth
And spoke the following date with tears, 1964-1994
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years.
For that dash represents all the time
That she spent alive on earth
And now only those who loved her
Know what that little line is worth.
For it matters not, how much we own;
The cars...the house..the cash,
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.
So think about this long and hard.
Are there things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left,
That can still be rearranged.
If we could just slow down enough
To consider what’s true and real,
And always try to understand
The way other people feel.
And be less quick to anger,
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we've never loved before.
If we treat each other with respect,
And more often wear a smile
Remembering that this special dash
Might only last a little while.
So, when your eulogy’s being read
With your life’s actions to rehash
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent your dash?
I’m a lover of symbols. As I study my way through my major, I realize symbolism is one of the key components that unites all facets of art history, regardless if you are studying Egyptian art, the Renaissance or contemporary. In the matter of this poem, Linda Ellis has taken something as teeny tiny as a (-) and made a symbol for one’s entire life. I love it!
I’ve been thinking about this poem a lot since I heard it read for the first time a couple weeks ago. What am I doing with my dash? There are some things that I’m quite proud of. I’ve graduated from high school with honors. I’m attending a respected university and I’ve stayed in times when all I’ve wanted to do is leave. I’ve performed in front of the prophet on the stage of the conference center. I’ve overcome illnesses that in moments and even days of weakness, I thought I’d never come up from. I hope to say I’ve positively influenced at least one person in my life so far. I’ve done some things I’m not proud of. I’ve reacted when I should have stayed still. I stayed still when I should have stood up and said something. I’m far from being a life expert. In fact, comparatively speaking, I probably know very, very little, but I’m grateful for the little time I’ve had between my dash and I’m looking forward to the experiences and adventures that are still to come. It seems lately that this point in my dash is filled with immaculate blessings and love. It seems like everything has fallen into place and for this moment, my life feels calm and peaceful and above all, happy.
On June 25, 2012, my big sister gave birth to my much anticipated little nephew, Jacob Scott Berning. While I knew from the moment she and Mark told me they were pregnant that I would love this baby, I had no idea just how much. In my eyes, Jacob came just in time. My family drove to Colorado the day Jacob made his arrival into the world. As I held him in my arms in the hospital and later after we took him home, I saw how perfect this little boy was. He was a precious gift that God gave to my sister and her family; and to mine. As I held this baby, I thought where have you been? Have you been with Brenda? What did the Savior tell you just before you left Heaven to be on earth with us? I didn’t realize at first that this angel I was holding was really going to help me in just a manner of hours. The day before my family and I had to go back to Utah, I took Jacob in my arms and walked him into the nursery where we sat down in the rocker. Jacob and I snuggled together and for the next hour or so, had a good, long chit-chat. I told him who I was, what I liked to do, my goals and my dreams, what I hoped for him and above all, how much I loved him. It was in that quiet moment as I rocked my nephew back and forth that I realized he was what life was all about. Life is about the memories and love you make and share with your family and loved ones. It’s about finding the joy in the journey. It’s about dancing in the rain and finding the rainbow after the storm. It’s about Monopoly games that go until the wee hours of the morning and bike rides through the neighborhood and forts made out of couch cushions. Looking at his sweet face that afternoon, I realized that so much of the things I worry about or hold onto just don’t matter as much. The things that matter most are the people who God sent to you; the people who will never leave your side; your family. Jacob Scott came just in time because he helped me let go of something I’d been clinging to for almost a year. He helped me release the pain I didn’t know how to be rid of alone. Beyond the miracle he already is, he is a tender mercy God sent directly to me in that moment to help me with something I had been praying to let go of. Now, even just a month later, I’ve seen how much happier I am and how much that is because of my baby nephew and the Lord. Thank you! Thank you for answering my prayers! You’ve helped me breathe again from something I thought I was suffocating from. And now, in this point and time in my dash, I feel like I can surge forward with a smile on my face and warmth in my heart.
"Bragging Auntie" Moment: this little guy rolled over when he was only a month old! He is SO smart!
If you were to ask me a month ago if I had an inclination to move out of my apartment and into a new one, I would have said you were crazy. While I was going to be getting entirely new roommates, I liked where I lived. I’d grown to love my ward and adore my calling as 1st counselor in the Relief Society. I was ready for the New Year, but comfortable with staying where I was. My parents knew this too. So last weekend when I went home one late evening and told them I wanted to move out, they were shocked (to say the least). When I told them I wanted to move back in with a certain group of girls, they were past shocked and more in the realm of plain confused. Still, as I told them how much I had thought and prayed about this (a very, very true answer), they put their opinions aside, offered their advice and then trusted me with my decision, something I am so grateful my parents do. Although it is a big step and an even larger leap of faith to move into a new apartment with new people, it is an adventure I am anxiously awaiting to start in a few weeks. The girls I have decided to live with are not strangers to me nor I them. We have been through an awful lot and not all of it is positive. However, we have seen each other go through various illnesses, heartbreak, fights (yes, even food fights), triumphs, successes and joy. It’s been a roller coaster, but these girls are some that I have grown to respect and certainly enjoy being around. While things have changed for all of us in the 2 years we’ve known each other, we are not afraid to see where the third year takes us. We are excited to finally be back together again. Alpine Village – here we come!!
If you need proof, Miss Caroline and I Facetimed for over two hours this week and only stopped because her mom came in the room and told her she had to go.
It’s no secret that I am a hopeless romantic. I believe in “once upon a time’s” and “happily ever after’s”. I believe that true love can still exist, even when the world tells me over and over that it doesn't. I get hope when I go over to Mikki’s house and hear her husband call her on his breaks at Macey’s to check on his wife and baby. I get hope when I see the older couple walking around the mall still holding hands. I get hope when I see my aunt and uncle still get butterflies when Jim gets home from work and when, after 12 years of marriage and two kids later, they still rather go grocery shopping together. I haven’t found my sweetheart yet, but I know he’s out there. I will be overjoyed when the time is right and I get to meet him and discover why it is I love him. Some may laugh at my high hopes for love and my even “unrealistic” expectations. Here is my response: a few generations ago, men courted women by coming to their door and asking them on a date. They’d bring flowers and handwritten letters. They respected the woman in their life and regarded her as someone special and to be treasured and respected, not someone to merely make out with on a lonely Friday night or to be criticizing or demeaning. They’d ask their fathers for their hand in marriage. They carried her over the threshold of their first home. They continued to bring flowers home after work. They continued to hold the purse and shopping bags at the mall. They kissed them on the forehead after a long hard day and turned music on the record player in order to dance with their sweethearts in the kitchen. Sadly for me, I don’t live in this 1940s dream. I live now in 2012. I’m not asking for roses every week. As a matter of fact, I do love flowers, but I like chocolate more. I’m not asking for someone to hold my purse and bags every time we go to the mall or even to go with me to the mall every time (I realize this might be fairly boring for you), but I am asking you to notice the new dress I bought with you in mind or help me bring the groceries in from the car and unpack. I’m not asking you to give up your life and your hobbies and make me the center of your universe. Quite frankly, we’d probably kill each other within hours if we did that. However, I am asking you to make me the biggest part of your life and introduce me to other facets of your world I’m not familiar with. I’m not asking you to be Noah from The Notebook or Logan from The Lucky One (although I would not disapprove in the least if you were). However, I am asking that you might watch those movies with me every once in a while and look at me the way those characters look at them. Above all, I’m asking you to love me unconditionally. Kiss me before you go to work and kiss me when you get home. Play with our kids. Notice the little things and remember I like surprises too. Let me rant and rave when I’m upset and even swear because of a mistake I made. Just love me. And I promise I’ll love you back. President Uchtdorf says our “once upon a time’s” are now. I want the fairy tale. That’s something I’m not afraid to say. I hope my time spent between the dashes will have a lot of love in it created by my sweetheart and I.
I don’t know what’s going to happen to me in the dash that’ll be between my birth and my death (a date I’m hoping will be far, far from now). I don’t know what people will say about me when they read my eulogy. I’ll be honest, I have thought about it long before I heard the poem, but quite frankly, I’m not sure if I really want to know. However, I hope somewhere in there, people can say I spent my dash loving those around me: my family, my friends, my neighbors, my Savior. I hope they say I was kind and loyal and happy. I hope they say I was fun and hopeful in times of good and bad. I hope they say I was a disciple and a follower of Christ. I hope they say I was classy and smart. I hope they say that I loved and inspired and dreamed. I hope in my dash, I can make a family and a home with another. I hope I can travel the world. I hope to be a great aunt and assure my nephew and future nieces and nephews that there Aunt Megan always has their backs, as my aunts have shown me. I hope to prove to myself that I’m really supposed to be down on earth right now and I will make an important contribution somewhere along the way. I hope those who know me will feel like better people after I’ve gone. I hope to cross everything off my bucket list. I hope that when it’s my turn to go home, those left behind on earth will see me as someone to follow in, not someone to learn from because of bad choices.
What am I going to do with my dash? I don’t know. I guess the only way to know is to go out and experience life for all it’s got. For me, that’s one of the biggest lessons I could learn; to just live. To make mistakes, but to get up and learn from them. To do something crazy stupid and laugh about it later. To do something spontaneous. To make your own path. To live life wherever you go with whoever you meet. That’s what I hope to do with my dash.
Loves!
P.S. I thought I'd add some pictures from my summer. Add these to the "good memories" folder!
I've learned the most from this lady right here. I love you, mom!
The AMAZING girls I got to serve with in Relief Society. I'll miss you Michelle, Kira and Amber. Thank you for all you taught me!
Melina and I bringing "Teddy" to life for Jacob. *Please never mind that I am wearing zero make-up and had just come from a workout. At least Melina looks good :)*
Jim took this picture of Sara and I at a boy scout activity. Then sent it to both of us in a text message. He-he I guess we really like our phones??
Finally, just want to wish this girl a great, big, giant HAPPY BIRTHDAY! YAY - YOU'RE 20!
