Jasper Johns, Painting with Two Balls, 1960
Jasper Johns, Target with Plaster Casts, 1955
Jasper Johns, In Memory of My Feelings - Frank O- Hara, 1961
If anyone is dying to know the history and symbolism behind them, I would love to discuss with you! :)
The girls and I are continuing to have a blast at Alpine. While life for all of us is astronomically busy and often times complicated, we somehow manage to keep it together; and maintain a somewhat functional friendship between the 6 of us. I’m lucky to have them. Last night, I had a bit of an “ah-ha” moment. While in high school and when I first moved to Provo, I remember spending weekends at Keisha’s apartment. I would see the interaction between she and her roommates. They were so fun! I remember being so envious of their relationship and wishing with all my might that I would have such a college experience. I hadn't realized until about 24 hours ago that my wish was granted. I have this group of girls that genuinely care about me and I them. We have our problems of course and life hasn't always been so kind to us as individuals, but at the end of the day, we’re family. We have each other. Even in those moments when we can’t stand each other, when it comes down to it, we have one another’s backs. For good. Here are some of the adventures we've had the last few weeks:
The girls and I are continuing to have a blast at Alpine. While life for all of us is astronomically busy and often times complicated, we somehow manage to keep it together; and maintain a somewhat functional friendship between the 6 of us. I’m lucky to have them. Last night, I had a bit of an “ah-ha” moment. While in high school and when I first moved to Provo, I remember spending weekends at Keisha’s apartment. I would see the interaction between she and her roommates. They were so fun! I remember being so envious of their relationship and wishing with all my might that I would have such a college experience. I hadn't realized until about 24 hours ago that my wish was granted. I have this group of girls that genuinely care about me and I them. We have our problems of course and life hasn't always been so kind to us as individuals, but at the end of the day, we’re family. We have each other. Even in those moments when we can’t stand each other, when it comes down to it, we have one another’s backs. For good. Here are some of the adventures we've had the last few weeks:
Dinners at Noodles and Company
Walking on Water {aka our frozen pool}
Going to Art Galleries at the Provo Library {thanks Caroline!}
Visiting Big Foot at the BYU Museum {this one was with Sara, Jim and the kids. I'm so glad they finally caught the big guy! ;)}
Yummy Saturday brunches at iHop with friends
I don't think the lady in green particularly liked us. Just a hunch though....
Typical Caroline and Megan
The girls and I are SO happy to have finally met Landon, Taylor's missionary. He is such a trooper. He spends his time {when he's not working that is} sitting on our couch, watching wedding videos and chatting reality TV with 5 girls he's never met just to be with Tay. I think he kinda likes her...;)
Also, don't let Taylor's face deceive you; she really does like me!
Churros! Well worth the tummy ache!
I think undoubtedly at one point or another, all of us didn't think this would end; that our friendship would last and we’d all be together forever. However, as everyone very well knows, life goes on. Precious moments come and go with only the memories to comfort us at night. Katie is taking the first step out of Provo and into “the real world” without the blanket of security we've quilted for each other. She is leaving on her mission February 26th, but leaving for home in Oregon next week. Last Thursday, the girls and I had one last night together to dwell in memories past and talk about what lies ahead for our futures. While there was a film of sadness in the air, I believe strongly that we’re all going to have beautiful life’s ahead of us, both together and apart. We’re all set on different roads and have very different futures in store, but one thing is most certain: we will never forget each other nor the memories we've created over the last 3 years. In the coming months, we’ll have some weddings, some graduations and many tearful goodbyes, but how thankful I am to know we have one another now.
Dinner at PF Changs {LOVED being able to use my gift card}
Ending the night with Cocoa Bean; a tradition among us girls. A cupcake is ALWAYS the key to a good time (also, ALWAYS worth the tummy ache)
Amber and Katie felt it appropriate to make a giant bed in our front room so we had a "comfortable" place to sit and chat
Made Kate a little "farewell" wall. We'll sure miss her! (Yes, it has been brought to my attention that I spelled Chile wrong...)
I have some food for thought I’d like to share. Melina and I declared as I left Draper to return to Provo after Christmas break that 2013 would be “our year”. We were going to make it better than the last few years my sister and I have had to get through. This year, we weren't going to get through anything. We were going to live and celebrate every day like our last. We resolved to not spend another new year’s eve with happiness the year was over, but satisfaction and smiles for the year we’d just had. At the start of last week, I was feeling pretty darn good about 2013. School was going well. I was loving my work. My friends and I were getting along. I wasn't feeling quite as sick and, surprisingly, my daily migraines were beginning to only occur a couple times a week. I remember actually thinking and even writing in my journal how happy I was and how well life was going and I needed to appreciate it because usually for me, when life is going smoothly, life throws me a wave. Well, wave came ha-ha; a very personal wave that I actually went out to sea to meet this time. It’s funny how we as humans do that. We know we shouldn't do or say something, yet we say or do it anyways. It’s almost like we subconsciously want to spoil the good thing. I’m not asking for sympathy. I’m not asking for someone to ask me what’s wrong. In fact, I would appreciate if no one would. The reason I tell this is because…life happens. We do stupid things. We say things without thinking about how another person might feel. We compare our weaknesses to another’s strengths. We forget to call. We fall in love with the wrong person. We hope for things to happen that inevitably never will, no matter how much we wish and plead for it. But that’s life. Life sometimes kicks your can and rubs salt in the wound. So why do we keep going? Why do we do the things we do? I will be very honest here. A lot of the times, I don’t know. I have been the person who’s sat on the floor and said “I’m done, no more.” I've cried in the car until I couldn't breathe. So why did I get up the next morning? I think it’s perhaps because we know deep down those things will get better someday. Eventually, the person you love will love you back. Eventually, that person will accept your apology. Eventually, you’ll be able to run those 26 miles. Eventually, the pain will go away. But “eventually” will happen a lot longer than it needs to unless we get up in the morning, put our big girl panties on and push through it. Over the last 20 years, I've stared at the ceiling for hours and declared that I would never get up again. I've watched good people make poor choices and, unfortunately, reap the consequences of those choices later on in their life. I've sat in many hospital rooms to see people I know, myself included, be told bad news for no reason other than the disease, the bad luck, the “karma”, just happened to fall on them at the time. I've cried myself to sleep. I've laid with others all night who are heartbroken, scared, angry or above all, lonely. I've held my heart on friendless nights when the darkness seemed to engulf me. Why? Why did I get up at 6 a.m.? Why did I shower, put some clothes on and walk into work? visit the friend? attend to my duties? Because I believe somewhere deep down inside, I know, we all know, that tomorrow IS a new day and things will get better. The process of getting from here to there is long and painful as hell. Sometimes the obstacles and leaps we have to jump over take many, many tries before we can. Eventually though, we can. We can make it across. We can make it to the greener side. We can be happy.
I've always hated when people told me that “everything will work out; it just takes time”. I know, ironic, being as I say that all the time to others. But for me personally, when someone tells me that, it drives me crazy; because regardless if it WILL work out, it freaking hurts in the process. When someone tells me everything will work out, it just takes time, it’s like they’re completely undermining what I’m going through now. If anyone else shares those same opinions as me, I hope you know that’s not what I’m trying to say now. You feel what you feel and you feel it completely until you’re ready to let it go. Be sad. Be angry. Be pissed off. Be whatever you need to be. Feel whatever you need to feel. Do whatever you need to do. Just don’t give up. Don’t think life is over. It may be for right now, but it’s not permanently. It might be changed and you as a person may never be the same, but your life isn't over. It’s not done. It’s just a little bit slick right now. Don’t give up. Don’t end it all. Eat lots of ice cream. Watch a sad movie. Or, if you’re like my mama, watch a movie where things get blown up. Spend a day in sweats. Sit on your bed, listen to the Titanic soundtrack and write a new blog post. Just remember, eventually, everything will get better. You’re not always going to feel this pain; this regret; this sting; this longing. It will pass.
I love you family. I love you my dear friends. I am deeply sorry to those I've hurt or offended. I’m sorry that I don’t always have the right words to say or when I say too much. But I can assure you that that was not my intent. I only want you to be happy; happy and with the people you love. Sometimes you don’t know the whole story. Ask me if you want to know the whole truth.
Loves for now!
