Happy Mama's Day!

When I was a little girl, I went to afternoon kindergarten so I could walk home with my sisters after school. I remember one day my mom surprising me before going to school. I remember playing in my room when I was told lunch was ready. However I was not directed to the kitchen, but to the downstairs family room. Mom had set up a tray with my most favorite meal growing up: top roman and she’d put on The Rescuers Down Under. I still remember being so excited that for one thing, I was actually eating downstairs and not getting in trouble for it and that my mom had surprised me with something so fun. I don’t remember for certain, but I’m sure I bragged about it the whole day to all my kindergarten friends.

A few years later when I was in middle school, mom and I took a trip just the two of us to her old home in Buell, Idaho {and yes, I’m crossing my fingers I spelt that correctly}. I didn’t realize it at the time how important that place was to my mom and the tender experiences that happened to her there that still live with her so many years later. We drove to her old home, to the home of her childhood best friend who still lived there after all these years. We drove around the tiny town and she shared the memories she had for every block and every street sign. That was the first time in my life I truly discovered my mom isn’t just a mom; she’s a woman too; a woman who had her own struggles, temptations, heartbreak, mess-ups and adventures. Before mom became “mom”, she was LuAnn; a cheerleader, a pianist, a grocer’s daughter who got butterflies when she saw the stud of Soda Springs high school {and bless her lucky stars she even married that stud muffin a few years later}, who struggled with math and disagreed with her own parents. She had to grow up too and experience life and its positives and negatives to become who I knew sitting in the car next to me. It was on that trip that my mom moved from being just a parent to my friend as well.

A few more years later after all my sisters moved out and it was only mama and papa smurf left at home with me did I see the true strength of my mom and how much she loves her family and the Lord. Pre-drivers license days, mom diligently picked me up at the “A” and dropped me off at Canyon View Dry Cleaners for my after school job. Then 4 hours later, come back and wait for me to be done. Except for few occasions, I would get home and my dinner would be waiting for me on the counter. Mom was who I went to when I needed ideas for my preschool bulletin board and it was her who did most of the work on it {oops – don’t tell Mrs. Crapo!} After Young Woman broadcasts or special events, mom and I would drive to Dairy Queen and get two peanut buster parfaits and a small fry and chat in the parking lot about our lives, but mostly mine and the silly drama I was experiencing at the time. Every night before going to bed, I would come to my mom’s room to find her reading her scriptures. Then she would look up from that sacred book, give me a hug and tell me she loves me. Mom and I spent probably too many nights consumed in episodes of “Criminal Minds” or “Law and Order: SVU” or “NCIS”. On Saturday mornings, mom and I would go grocery shopping and I’d usually make her buy stuff we didn’t need, but my sugar tooth wanted. Then we’d indulge ourselves in curly fries from Arby’s or a greasy cheeseburger from Artic Circle. Mom was patient with me and I liked to make her proud. I’m sure I did a lot to make her irritated at me {e.g. school night curfew was 10 p.m. – sometimes I would stay at Rachel’s house a little later than that. And then I would get the phone call – EVERY TIME- with a firm, but kind reminder that it was time to come home}, but mom was always loving and never made me feel inferior, unappreciated or less than I was. On the contrary, mom was constantly boosting me up and making me better.

The time came to graduate and eventually move out. On the day my parents and I left Vestry Road and drove to Helaman Halls, we had to take two cars {yes, I have a lot stuff}. They were in the Explorer and I was in the Oldsmobile. Although I’ve tried to keep it a secret, I’ll admit it now, the entire way I cried and cried not because I was leaving home necessarily, but because I didn’t want to leave my mom. Yes, this might sound cliché to some, but if many if not most know how much of a mama’s girl I am and how I didn’t want to relinquish my role as “baby” at home. Mom and I made many…many trips up and down the flights of stairs in the dorms and got me settled into my new home. As I walked them outside and we said our goodbyes, I held onto my mom and told her I loved her. Little did she know, little did I even know at the time, how much I would miss her from the moment I let go of her embrace. From that point on, mommy wasn’t going to be there with me every day and suddenly I felt like a little girl on her first day of preschool and I just wanted her to stay with me. One of the biggest gifts my mom has given me is teaching me how to let go and how to live in a manner she will be proud of. From the beginning, it was my mom who taught me to pray, who taught me to play, who taught me to love, who taught me to live. Everything I am is because of my mom.

There are things I’ve done that I’m sure mom wouldn’t be pleased with, but without hesitation I know she’d love me even harder. It was into my mother’s arms that I fell into when I was diagnosed with a disease that changed my life. It was my mother’s testimony that kept me afloat when I felt I was drowning. It was my mother’s wisdom that kept me at BYU. It was my mother’s love that taught me to forgive. My mom is my hero. In my eyes, she does no wrong. She believes in me, even when I can’t believe in myself. She trusts me which I’ve found is a gift not to be freely given. She is beautiful on the inside and out. She earnestly cares about other people and puts others before the needs of herself. My mom lives with courage and integrity. She is fun and knows how to laugh. LuAnn Clegg is not just my mom, she’s my friend; one of my best friends. Anyone can be a mother, but it’s the elite who become moms. And luckily, I have a pretty great one. I wouldn’t trade mine for anything or anyone because she is who I want and she is who I need. It is my prayer that as I get older, I will be even a little like my mom.

I love you, mommy! Thank you for loving me, especially when I least deserve it. Thank you for believing in me, especially in my darkest hours. Thank you for praying for me, especially when I forget to pray for myself. Thank you for being my mom and devoting your life to me and what I want instead of what you want. You are so special to me and every day I thank God that you are my parent, you are my mom and you are my friend. Please never leave me because I don’t want to know what it’s like to be without you. Thank you for giving me hugs, for wiping away my tears and for teaching me hope. You are who I hope to become.

Loves!