Art History Study Abroad

           Greetings! It’s hard to believe where the last three months have taken me. Sadly, I have not been as diligent as I could have been in keeping my blog up-to-date. Hopefully I can make up for some lost time now.

          The biggest, and my far the greatest, experience I've had the last three months would be my spectacular trip to Europe on a Brigham Young University Art History Study Abroad. We left April 30^th and got back to the states, [very late], June 7^th. In whole, we went to Greece, Italy, Austria, Germany, France and England. What an experience it was! It would be impossible to describe every detail and every event which made a lifelong effect on me, but I can tell you that it was almost every night I went to bed feeling very tired, but more so enriched, blessed and astounded by the talent, beauty, people and cultures our world has. Greece, although suffering from economic decline, is enchanting in its own unique way. Our tour guide, Costas, reminded me of the dad from “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”. When we were on the bus one day, traveling from Greek civilization to civilization, he began to explain why being naked is the same as democracy: “Really we’re all the same when we’re naked. No one is richer or poorer. No one is labeled by religion or social status. So really, being naked is like democracy. We’re all equal. We’re all the same.” Oh, Costas! Too funny. I guess that’s why ancient Greek athletes worked out in the nude. My favorite place in Greece was this little town called Nafplion. When you think of Greece - white sand, blue roof tops, crystal blue water - that is what you find in Nafplion. It is gorgeous! Some of us climbed 960 stairs up and 960 stairs down to an abandoned fortress atop a steep mountain. Quite the leg workout, but it was totally worth it. The view took my breath away. Easter is celebrated at a different time in Greece and while we were there, we were fortunately able to see some of the festivities the Greeks perform during this extremely important holiday in Catholicism. After dark, worshipers crowd the streets with candles in hand and walk from church to church as preachers speak sermons. It was beautiful to watch, even if it was all in a different language! It was very eye opening to see how other people and other cultures worship.

          When we flew into Italy, it was like flying into a different world. It was like night and day from Greece. We began our Italian journey in Rome. You all know I’m not a pizza fan. Well I’ll gladly die for a piece of Italian pizza! Holy delicious! Include some pasta and this girl is happy with her life! I remember when we first got off the metro and truly “entered” Rome…like the Rome everyone thinks about. And all we could do is look UP! The architecture is exquisite. The city is delightful. It is beautiful, ornate and charming, chalked full of history. My eyes kept moving from place to place, building to building. The Roman aqueducts are still in use and I will tell you all now that Roman water from an ancient fountain is the best you’ll ever have. Period. We visited so many Baroque churches I couldn't possibly even begin to count them all. We saw the Pantheon, Spanish Steps, Roman forums, churches, the Coliseum, museums, the Vatican and did I mention churches? Some of the girls and I found this delightful gelato shop called Della Palma. Come to find when Audrey Hepburn was filming Roman Holiday she would come to this shop and indulge in creamy, cold goodness. I KNEW Audrey and I would be friends. Rome, and later Florence, has easily become one of the most ROMANTIC cities I have ever been too. There are couples everywhere! You know those scenes in the movies when you see the couple, arm in arm, completely zoned out on everyone except each other, laughing, kissing, and blissfully happy? That is what Rome holds. Everywhere! So naturally, I would be all over that. I was happy. On our way out of Rome, we made some pit stops. My favorite was in a place called Orvieto. I encourage everyone to go there at least once in their life because it is such a quaint little city and I love it! They have the BEST pottery. I bought such a beautiful plate from there, along with a cute little elephant. There gelato is also pretty delectable as well ;)  

My dear buddy, Aricka! 

I've got 9 1/2 months left for my wish to come true :)

I kind of like gelato! 

          Our next stop was Florence. Oh, Florence! I have left my heart with you. It is beautiful and was easily my favorite place I went to, hands down. The Renaissance is still alive and well in that enchanting city and I want nothing more than to just live there. The night life in Florence is very different than Rome. The tourism settles down greatly and it’s youthful, energetic and fun. It’s not overly crowded in the streets making it very easy to just stroll, relax and look at the beautiful art and architecture that is everywhere! The street performers are a bit…colorful, but you get used to them. The Duoma is HUGE and Brunelleschi’s dome gives me chills still now while I write this. Yes, we climbed the 476 stairs up to the top of said dome and that view was definitely one to be remembered for the books. We saw the famous “David” from Michelangelo and without hesitation; he is one of the most breathtakingly beautiful naked men I have ever laid eyes on. I realize that list is a bit short, but I will argue my opinion on this will not change any time soon. Tears, friends, tears. Florence has the most beautiful sunsets I have ever seen. The sun glistens off the river and buildings and it just makes you catch your breath. It’s stunning and you can’t pull your eyes away. No picture could capture its beauty or the emotions that come with it. It’s very peaceful and, at least for me, provided a bit of serenity and much needed quiet thinking. Funny story in Florence: at one restaurant, a group of girls and I sat down and our waiter said (remember to think this with an Italian accent) “because you’re so beautiful, I will give you FREE red wine!” It took us a couple minutes to convince him that we didn’t drink. Italians just don’t understand how or why one wouldn’t drink. We just settled for free waters instead. I crossed a great deal off my bucket list on my study abroad, but one thing I did add was to come back to Florence with my sweetheart. As I said about Rome, it is such an enchanting, romantic city and I can’t picture anything better than experiencing Florence, and its entire artistic splendor, with the love of my life. One day…one day…

I'm that little blue dot at the bottom. Picture taken for scale, of course :)

          Our next stop was Venice. I will keep my description of Venice very short because honestly speaking; I don’t have too many good things to say about Venice. Aside from the very rude locals and getting in a tiff with one of the restaurant bar tenders, it is just a little too tight, a little too claustrophobic for my anxiety levels. Still, I got to take my gondola ride (something I’ve always wanted to do) with some of my dear girlfriends and that was so much fun! There was even a puppy on board. One VERY positive thing about Venice was the art that was there. For the first time, and very likely the ONLY time, was the installation of Manet’s Olympia with Titian’s Venus of Urbino. By far, one of the best art experiences I had on the entire study abroad. I adore those two paintings now. And I already had a very good relationship with both of them before arriving in Venice. Friends, do some research and fall in love with them as much as I am.

          The day we left Venice and traveled to Vienna, Austria was the day we celebrated my 21^st birthday. For 8 very long hours, we were in the bus, driving through the Alps, eyes on the destination of Austria. Now I know what you’re thinking: “poor baby. Had to spend the day driving through the Alps. So sad”. But when the bus driver only goes 50 miles an hour and the trip was only supposed to be 4 hours, but ended up taking 8+, you might’ve felt a little cranky too. One of my favorite experiences on that bus ride was actually at the end when we were all at our ropes end and someone made the comment to keep an “eternal perspective”. Margot’s response? “We are LIVING in the eternal perspective. And the eternal perspective is that we’ve wasted the last 8 hours on earth!” Ha, I love that girl! Austria is much, much different than Italy. It’s more modern history (WWI-WW2, etc.) and beautiful in its own right. We went through some fine museums. One personal favorite of mine is Gustav Klimt’s The Kiss. One day we visited the beautiful gardens of Marie Antoinette’s childhood home. I wish America had such beautiful grounds as they. I would never leave. And hey…maybe I’d actually like to be outside if I had such gardens to stroll through. We were also able to visit Salzburg, Austria where, most famously, The Sound of Music was filmed. That was so much fun! We had a little photo shoot on the “do-re-mi” stairs. The mountains made me miss home, but singing a few rounds of “the hills are alive” reminded me how lucky I was to be experiencing Europe.

            Our next stop was in Munich, Germany and that was very moving. We, of course, spent our days roaming through museums. Our last night was spent at the famous Beer Hall, where I ate by far the BEST potatoes and steak I have ever had in my entire life. Oh! How I will crave those until I eat them again one day! On Sunday, most of us traveled to Dachau, the first concentration camp to open in World War II. What an incredible experience that was! Although very difficult to get through, I feel exceptionally fortunate I was able to face just a small measurement of what some million Jews suffered there. It’s impossible to articulate into words the feelings and emotions of being in such a place. While the surrounding vegetation is actually quite lovely to the eye, the mood was far from pleasant; rather it was a weight stinging all those who walked through the gates which read “work will set you free”. The camp is big, but the space is bare. What makes it so overwhelming is the pain, the fear, the devastation, the evil that still lingers within the parameter of that camp. Many places, such as the crematory or the bunkers echo the silent cries of those who died there. It was very impactful. Later, we were able to reflect on how lucky and blessed we are to live in the United States, where we are free to practice whatever religion we so desire.

             12 hours (roughly) later, our bus pulled up to our hotel in Paris, France and our group didn't look back! We’d finally made it to PARIS! Heather, one of my spectacular professors, could not dim the light in her eyes; she was delighted to have arrived! We were in Paris the longest; about 10 days total. Until recently (like a week or two ago), I had lost all feeling in my big toe because of all the freak rain storms we got caught in throughout our stay, but it was well worth it. The Paris mentality was definitely go-go-go (as if we weren’t already doing that enough in the other countries we’d visited ;)). Museums after museums after museums came and went. The Louvre (3 days!), the Musee de la Ville De Paris, Musee de Orsay, Musee d’Cluny....on and on. It was fabulous – for the most part – sometimes our feet got a bit tired. We, of course, played with Quasimodo at Notre Dame, sang “Paris Holds the Key to My Heart” in front of the Eiffel Tower (meow!), searched for the Phantom at the famous Paris Opera House and danced (metaphorically speaking) with the girls at the Moulin Rouge. One of my favorite memories was spent at Disneyland: Paris! Yes, indeed, I got to cross that baby off my bucket list because Maren, Jessica, Abigail, Aricka and I played little girls for an entire day, screaming on Space Mountain, dreaming through Peter Pan and beating “Zurg” in Buzz Lightyear Star Command. It was a blast! We ate the most delicious macaroons at Laduree’s – a bakery world renowned for its pastries. The cathedrals…oh, the cathedrals! How beautiful they are! Keisha and I were chatting later after my trip and we agreed that we would take sole responsibility if need be for preserving and protecting those beautiful buildings. We’ll talk to God and get it all sorted out, but we would be sorely devastated if the breathtakingly STUNNING stained glass and altar pieces had to go. On one of our last nights, we took a night boat ride through Paris. It was exquisite! You know those iconic pictures of Paris you see in art books or post cards? Yes. Imagine that and then picture me and 30 others girls (and Nate J) sitting there experiencing it all. I couldn't ask for me. The food, the people, the art, the culture…Paris is a place I will return to one day.

The best crepe I had the whole trip!

Already wishing for the day I can go back!!

             Finally, our last stop was England. By this point in the trip, after living out of a suitcase for a month and eating out, spending money, walking everywhere, etc. etc., we were pretty tuckered out. Still, London was one of my favorite places. Being there made me think of mom, because she loves England so much. I can understand why. It is so much fun. I love the accents. British man—please love me so our kids can have British accents too! London definitely equaled BROADWAY PLAYS! I feel confident that everyone saw at least one. I saw “Wicked!” and “Matilda: The Musical”. We, of course, went to Big Ben, the House of Parliament, Buckingham Palace (where coincidently, the Queen was having a Garden Party), Westminster Abbey, Trafalgar Square, Harrods, the National Gallery, the British Museum, etc. I love all the parks they have! On Sunday, some girls and I went and had tea at Kensington Gardens. One of my favorite spots was a building in the middle of this square where Eliza Doolittle sold her flowers. Being the Audrey fan that I am, I naturally had a moment. One day, we traveled to Salisbury, Stonehenge and Stourhead. Stourhead, for those who don’t know, is where some of “Pride and Prejudice” was filmed. It’s also one of the most beautiful places I have literally ever been too. If Heaven looked like that, I would be content. Above all, the greatest thing I did in London was visit the Warner Brother’s Harry Potter Studio. Basically imagine anything and everything from the Harry Potter movies and it was most likely there: the Great Hall, Privet Drive, Hogwarts, Diagon Alley, the Knight Bus, the flying car, the Burrow, Dumbledoor’s office, the Gryffindor common room, Butterbeer, the potions classroom, the Ministry of Magic…do I need to continue? Do you get it?? It was AMAZING!! Seriously I cried. And I am not joking. Tears came. It may have cost me half a paycheck to go, but it was so, so worth it!! And I would/will do it again!

 Tea time!

Stonehenge 

Stourhead = Heaven on earth

This is the place where Mr. Darcy proposes to Elizabeth <3

I kind of LOVE these girls!

          I’m sure IF they've made it through this; my roommates are rolling their eyes. As a result of my trip, it’s something I bring up at least once a day. But it’s one of those experiences that has such a profound effect on one’s life that’s it’s impossible to not recount some sort of story or feeling or lesson gained somewhere on the 6 weeks we were gone. Thanks girls for indulging me. Thank you mom and dad for encouraging me to go and later, for supporting me. Without you, I would still be daydreaming. I’m so happy I went on this trip. It opened my eyes to how BIG our world really is. It reminded me that I am not bound to just the things and people available to me in Provo; rather, there’s a great, big, huge world out there, waiting to be explored; waiting to be experienced. Yes, Melina, I have caught the travel bug! I’m so very blessed to have traveled with the people I did. I had the opportunity to spend 6 weeks with two of the greatest professors and with 31 fantastic friends. And thankfully, some of those relationships have lasted beyond gondola rides and hikes up mountain tops, but to daily texts and weekly meetings (yay Awful Waffle!). I’m so fortunate to have met them. They helped make my trip that much better.

          Now it’s back to life. No better, no worse, but definitely different. Definitely bigger. Definitely a journey!

Loves!    

My Daughter's Advice

Recently, I was given the book “Prudent Advice” by Jaime Morrison Curtis. The author wrote this book in honor of her little baby girl; barely 2 years old, to extend 500 pieces of wisdom as she goes through her life. The advice ranges from practical tips and tricks to witty opinions to sincere heartfelt messages. With many of her points, she includes poems, artwork (extra bonus points earned for that) and recipes. I've been surprised with how much I've enjoyed reading through the book. My eyes were glued to its pages with every whimsical comment and encouraging message she composes for the hopeful benefit of her “great love”, her daughter.

The first night I had it, I ended up staying up for a good 45 minutes to an hour after what should have been my bedtime, reading and reading what this inspirational author had to say. Many days and nights after that, I kept the book with me, taking it with me to read during downtime at work, in between classes and before the evening movie with the girls. I am honestly surprised with how much I've enjoyed reading this book. I agree with much of what she had to say. Yet, the idea came to mind that I too wanted to write a few things down for my future little one. Granted, I’m sure this list will change some and more will be added when that stage of my life begins, but I figure, why not start the process now? So here we go! Here’s to you baby. I don’t know when you’ll get here, but I promise to love you every moment when you do.

1. Learn about many religions, not just the one we teach you in our home

As part of my art history curriculum at BYU, I am required to take a “nonwestern art” credit. I chose Islam. Admittedly, when I started the class, I was nearly afraid of the Muslim community. 3 months later, I can tell you now this congregation of people is beautiful, humble and generous. You will find that many of us believe in the same things, we just worship differently.

2. Keep tissues in the car

There good for all sorts of purposes: blowing your nose, wiping up spilt soda or fry sauce from eating at Sonic, rubbing dust from the dashboard or removing tears from your eyes when you go for emotional drives

3. Find your own “comfort food”

Pre-Celiac disease: Chilie’s molten lava cake. Post-Celiac disease: IBC root beer, ice cream and chocolate  

4. Sing and dance! Even if you’re bad at it

If, sweet one, you are anything like your mother (at least in 2013), you might not have the best singing voice, nor the innate talent of dancing.  Do it anyway. Sing in the shower. Dance in your bedroom. Sing while you drive. Dance while you clean the toilet. It’s fun and spontaneous

5. Find something unique about every city you visit

I’ve learned that immaculate differences can be found even in something as simple as city limits. Find the quirkiness of each city you go to. You will find them if you open your eyes and look for them

6. Ask questions

There is nothing wrong in questioning what you are told. Even when it’s something I tell you. Question. Experiment. Learn for yourself what you want to know before you commit to it

7. Learn to be comfortable in the silence

Some of your most inspired thoughts and decisions will be made when it’s quiet. Don’t be afraid of the stillness. Embrace it  

8. Appreciate art

“Art enables us to find ourselves and lose ourselves at the same time”

                 – Thomas Merton

9. Go camping

I have not acquired this particular…enjoyment in life. Rather, I hate the outdoors. However, grandpa knows of all the right campgrounds and all the right trails from beginners to experts. Go with him and I assure you, you will have a good time.

As an added bonus, he makes wonderful potato soup and brownies the last night of campouts

10. Sometimes you’ll have your heart broken  

It pains me to write this. At the same time, it is inevitable that sometime in your life, you will get hurt. Not “fall off your bike and scrape your knee” hurt, but “hold your hand to your chest because the pain is too excruciating otherwise” hurt. Sometimes your friends will betray you. One might be taken from you before it is there time. Perhaps the one you love will decide to love another instead. I pray you never know such heartache. But if and most assuredly when this happens, it will be tragically difficult to get through some days and nights. Yet, I promise that you will make it through. It might take you weeks, months or, if you’re like your mom, years, but you will make it. In those moments of despair, I will do whatever I can and need to help you survive, as my mom has done for me, whether she knows she has or not   

11. The key to good Gluten-Free chocolate chip cookies is milk and jello

12. Cherish your relationships; even the ones that take a lot of work

You are going to have many relationships in your life. Relationships with your family, with friends, with boyfriends, with co-workers, with teachers, with neighbors, with lovers, with perfect strangers. Not all of them will be easy. Work at them every day. You will find that some of the relationships you have to work the hardest at, will be the most valuable in your life

13. When in doubt bring an extra pair

14. There are all sorts of people in the world. And each is as special and unique as you

You will meet people in the world that are different than you; different denominations, races, and standards with different goals, ideas and strengths. That does not make them broken or beneath you. It just means they are different. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with this. They are God’s children too. Do not think of them any less

15. Take lots of pictures

A picture speaks a thousand words. There one of the best ways to preserve a memory

16. Talk to your grandparents

They will have more advice for you than I ever will. I’ve learned so much from them. You will too

17. Date everything

Letters, journals, pictures. Date it all. You’ll be surprised what you forget if you don’t

18. Don’t skip family get togethers

I admit; I stole this one from Jamie. She says “family get-togethers can be stressful and worrisome; I get that. But go anyway. You will eventually forgive your relatives for the annoying outbursts, lapses in judgment, and unwitting alienation they may have inflicted. One day, those frustrations will give way to cozy familial love, and you will wish you’d enjoyed more time together before they were gone forever”.

19. Befriend the bully

Many times, they’re the ones that need the friend the most

20. Do something that scares you

I include this now in hopes of convincing myself. This time next month, I will be in Athens, Greece with no one I know besides two professors I have greatly learned from over my years in college. Don’t tell anyone, but I am quite scared to go. Not because I go knowing no friends yet, but because it’s far, far away from anything and everything and everyone I’ve ever known. I’m choosing to believe that it will indeed be a good trip and I know that through the nerves, this will be a spectacular experience

21. Make mistakes

Make mistakes; that’s how you learn the best

22. Study what you love. Even if no else agrees with the decision. Myself included

If you feel passion for it, do it! It took me a long time to learn this lesson; however, if I did not learn it, I would not be graduating with my bachelor’s degree in art history in 9 months

23. Forgive. Give people second chances

Don’t question me on this one. You’re going to make mistakes. So will others. Don’t hold it against them forever. Forgive.

24. Girls can be mean, but they’re not all bad. Boys can be confusing, but you learn to appreciate them anyways

Don’t be a mean girl. And don’t let the boys you know be players. We’ll talk about this more when you enter your pre-teen years

25. The size doesn’t matter. If you’re not comfortable in the dressing room, you won’t be comfortable at home

I spent many, many years standing in dressing rooms rationalizing the smaller size, believing it was that single number that determined who I was entirely. This is not so. Pick clothes and shoes that will make you comfortable and confident; for it is when you’re comfortable in your own skin and appearance that you are most able to be who you really are  

26. Befriend your siblings. They will be your best friends the younger and older you get

Aunt Melina and Aunt Elise are some of my best friends. I’m lucky though. Not everyone can say that about their siblings. Your family is with you forever. Through thick and thin. Through rain and sunshine. Befriend your brothers and sisters and you’ll find you always have a forever friend

27. Allow yourself to be forgiven

If I’m the same now as I will be in the future, I might not be the best example to follow in. Still, it’s something I’m always working on. Work on this also. Allow yourself to be forgiven. You’re entitled to that same peace you will allow others

28. [When] you get disappointed, listen to music

Indeed, much like heartbreak, you will have many disappointing moments in your life. [When] this emotion arises, plug in your headphones and put on some music. It’s a powerful tool

29. Learn to play the piano

I've been attempting to learn since I was 8 years old. I’m still learning. The gift of instruments shouldn't be wasted; it should be explored

30. See people’s potential, most especially when you don’t like them

Everyone is important. Everyone has the potential to be greater than where they are at. Don’t give up on people. Don’t see their weaknesses, but relish in their strengths.

31. Watch documentaries

32. Create traditions for yourself

A good friend once introduced me to 7-Eleven steam milk. I’ve never been the same. When I get it, which is often, I grab 3 vanilla creamers. 2 for my drink, 1 for a “shot”. Tradition can’t be broken in my book! When I go, I do!

33. Save your money for a rainy day

34. Take naps

If you fight me on this as a child, I will happily remind you when you’re older ;) learn to love naps. They can be the utmost tender mercy some afternoons

35. Appreciate the people that are in your life, when they’re in your life. You never know when they’ll be asked to be taken away from you.

Unfortunately, you will never know your Aunt Brenda while you’re here. She died two September’s ago. She died very suddenly and it wasn’t until her passing did I realize how much I loved her. Ever since, I’ve tried to remind those I truly care for my affections. The feelings of regret are far worse than the 5 minute phone call you could have made

36. Take walks in the evening

37. Cats do not like to be wet. Trust me – don’t test this theory

Kittens. Cats. The feline race. Don’t give them a bath until you are prepared for the scratches. And, as strange as it may sound (it’s happened) don’t shower with them OR let others put cats in the shower with you. Believe me – it will hurt

38. It’s okay to have idols and people to look up to. Take the qualities you love in them, but stay true to who you are

Audrey Hepburn. That’s my idol. In my opinion, she’s everything that encompasses class, elegance and beauty. Pick your own hero. But don’t let the hero overtake who you are

39. Write it down. You’ll forget it if you don’t

40. When you’re in a bad mood, workout

Run, yoga, bike ride, walk, weight train, stair climber, Pilates, whatever. No matter what the reason behind the bad mood, do some sort of exercise and it will help you release that stress, anger or pain you feel. It might not solve the problem, but it will help you deal with it better

41. Write hand written letters

They’re much more personal and far more charming  

42. Keep your house clean

"My idea of superwoman is someone who scrubs her own floors"

             - Bette Midler 

43. You can find beauty anywhere. Anywhere.

Beauty exists not only in the gorgeous sunsets, rainbows or waterfalls, but in the smile of a child, the laughter of a lover or a puddle on a rainy day. It’s not in just the works of Andre Kohn or Bernini, but in the architecture of a building, the ending of a test well prepared for or in the flicker of a candle at the end of the day

44. If you want a gentleman, act like a lady

Period.

45. Love is love. No matter who it is between.

Many will disagree with me on this, including many family members, but it’s something I feel very strongly about. It’s okay if you disagree with it, sweet girl, I simply challenge you to choose for yourself what you believe and then stick with it. I believe that love does not stop with just a man and a woman. I believe love exists in and for everyone. It should not be denied. It should not be pushed down. Love is love. And if the person you love chooses to love you back, don’t brush it away. Cling to that person and fight heaven and earth to keep that devotion alive.  

Loves! 

Eventually...

We’re nearing the end of January and the first month of winter semester here at BYU! All I can say is “so far, so good”! Surprisingly, I am actually really enjoying my classes. Most unexpectedly is my love for my contemporary art class. Until now, I've never particularly enjoyed looking and/or studying modern art. Most likely that is because I don’t understand it. Additionally, I have maintained the attitude that is so common to most; that attitude being that “a 5 year old could do it”. I can say now that that attitude has been sorely changed AND I have been put in my place in regards to contemporary art. My professor is Kate Lemay. She is phenomenal! For any art historians out there planning on taking some classes here in zoobie land, I highly recommend her. She is becoming a fast favorite. This last week, we studied some of the biographies and works from gay artists primarily in the 1950s-1960s. Wow! By far it was one of the best lectures I've ever had in my art history education. Between Kate, the girl sitting behind me and myself, the class was getting pretty pumped. However, I would say the highlight of the 90 minute course, other than studying the works themselves, would be when my BYU PROFESSOR shouts “he’s pissed because he has to stay in the effing closet!!” I could have died. If anyone ever gives me crap for my word choice, this will be my reply: if the BYU professor, handpicked from the board of trustees (apostles and leaders of the church) can say it, then I sure as heck can say it (edited. Grandma reads this ;))! Here are some examples we studied…

 Jasper Johns, Painting with Two Balls, 1960 

 Jasper Johns, Target with Plaster Casts, 1955

Jasper Johns, In Memory of My Feelings - Frank O- Hara, 1961 

If anyone is dying to know the history and symbolism behind them, I would love to discuss with you! :)

The girls and I are continuing to have a blast at Alpine. While life for all of us is astronomically busy and often times complicated, we somehow manage to keep it together; and maintain a somewhat functional friendship between the 6 of us. I’m lucky to have them. Last night, I had a bit of an “ah-ha” moment. While in high school and when I first moved to Provo, I remember spending weekends at Keisha’s apartment. I would see the interaction between she and her roommates. They were so fun! I remember being so envious of their relationship and wishing with all my might that I would have such a college experience. I hadn't realized until about 24 hours ago that my wish was granted. I have this group of girls that genuinely care about me and I them. We have our problems of course and life hasn't always been so kind to us as individuals, but at the end of the day, we’re family. We have each other. Even in those moments when we can’t stand each other, when it comes down to it, we have one another’s backs. For good. Here are some of the adventures we've had the last few weeks: 

 Dinners at Noodles and Company

 Walking on Water {aka our frozen pool}

 Going to Art Galleries at the Provo Library {thanks Caroline!}

 Visiting Big Foot at the BYU Museum {this one was with Sara, Jim and the kids. I'm so glad they finally caught the big guy! ;)} 

 Yummy Saturday brunches at iHop with friends

I don't think the lady in green particularly liked us. Just a hunch though.... 

 Typical Caroline and Megan 

 The girls and I are SO happy to have finally met Landon, Taylor's missionary. He is such a trooper. He spends his time {when he's not working that is} sitting on our couch, watching wedding videos and chatting reality TV with 5 girls he's never met just to be with Tay. I think he kinda likes her...;)

Also, don't let Taylor's face deceive you; she really does like me!

 Churros! Well worth the tummy ache!

I think undoubtedly at one point or another, all of us didn't think this would end; that our friendship would last and we’d all be together forever. However, as everyone very well knows, life goes on. Precious moments come and go with only the memories to comfort us at night. Katie is taking the first step out of Provo and into “the real world” without the blanket of security we've quilted for each other. She is leaving on her mission February 26th, but leaving for home in Oregon next week. Last Thursday, the girls and I had one last night together to dwell in memories past and talk about what lies ahead for our futures. While there was a film of sadness in the air, I believe strongly that we’re all going to have beautiful life’s ahead of us, both together and apart. We’re all set on different roads and have very different futures in store, but one thing is most certain: we will never forget each other nor the memories we've created over the last 3 years. In the coming months, we’ll have some weddings, some graduations and many tearful goodbyes, but how thankful I am to know we have one another now. 

 Dinner at PF Changs {LOVED being able to use my gift card} 

Ending the night with Cocoa Bean; a tradition among us girls. A cupcake is ALWAYS the key to a good time (also, ALWAYS worth the tummy ache)

 Amber and Katie felt it appropriate to make a giant bed in our front room so we had a "comfortable" place to sit and chat

Made Kate a little "farewell" wall. We'll sure miss her! (Yes, it has been brought to my attention that I spelled Chile wrong...)

I have some food for thought I’d like to share. Melina and I declared as I left Draper to return to Provo after Christmas break that 2013 would be “our year”. We were going to make it better than the last few years my sister and I have had to get through. This year, we weren't going to get through anything. We were going to live and celebrate every day like our last. We resolved to not spend another new year’s eve with happiness the year was over, but satisfaction and smiles for the year we’d just had. At the start of last week, I was feeling pretty darn good about 2013. School was going well. I was loving my work. My friends and I were getting along. I wasn't feeling quite as sick and, surprisingly, my daily migraines were beginning to only occur a couple times a week. I remember actually thinking and even writing in my journal how happy I was and how well life was going and I needed to appreciate it because usually for me, when life is going smoothly, life throws me a wave. Well, wave came ha-ha; a very personal wave that I actually went out to sea to meet this time. It’s funny how we as humans do that. We know we shouldn't do or say something, yet we say or do it anyways. It’s almost like we subconsciously want to spoil the good thing. I’m not asking for sympathy. I’m not asking for someone to ask me what’s wrong. In fact, I would appreciate if no one would. The reason I tell this is because…life happens. We do stupid things. We say things without thinking about how another person might feel. We compare our weaknesses to another’s strengths. We forget to call. We fall in love with the wrong person. We hope for things to happen that inevitably never will, no matter how much we wish and plead for it. But that’s life. Life sometimes kicks your can and rubs salt in the wound. So why do we keep going? Why do we do the things we do? I will be very honest here. A lot of the times, I don’t know. I have been the person who’s sat on the floor and said “I’m done, no more.” I've cried in the car until I couldn't breathe. So why did I get up the next morning? I think it’s perhaps because we know deep down those things will get better someday. Eventually, the person you love will love you back. Eventually, that person will accept your apology. Eventually, you’ll be able to run those 26 miles. Eventually, the pain will go away. But “eventually” will happen a lot longer than it needs to unless we get up in the morning, put our big girl panties on and push through it. Over the last 20 years, I've stared at the ceiling for hours and declared that I would never get up again. I've watched good people make poor choices and, unfortunately, reap the consequences of those choices later on in their life. I've sat in many hospital rooms to see people I know, myself included, be told bad news for no reason other than the disease, the bad luck, the “karma”, just happened to fall on them at the time. I've cried myself to sleep. I've laid with others all night who are heartbroken, scared, angry or above all, lonely. I've held my heart on friendless nights when the darkness seemed to engulf me. Why? Why did I get up at 6 a.m.? Why did I shower, put some clothes on and walk into work? visit the friend? attend to my duties? Because I believe somewhere deep down inside, I know, we all know, that tomorrow IS a new day and things will get better. The process of getting from here to there is long and painful as hell. Sometimes the obstacles and leaps we have to jump over take many, many tries before we can. Eventually though, we can. We can make it across. We can make it to the greener side. We can be happy.

I've always hated when people told me that “everything will work out; it just takes time”. I know, ironic, being as I say that all the time to others. But for me personally, when someone tells me that, it drives me crazy; because regardless if it WILL work out, it freaking hurts in the process. When someone tells me everything will work out, it just takes time, it’s like they’re completely undermining what I’m going through now. If anyone else shares those same opinions as me, I hope you know that’s not what I’m trying to say now. You feel what you feel and you feel it completely until you’re ready to let it go. Be sad. Be angry. Be pissed off. Be whatever you need to be. Feel whatever you need to feel. Do whatever you need to do. Just don’t give up. Don’t think life is over. It may be for right now, but it’s not permanently. It might be changed and you as a person may never be the same, but your life isn't over. It’s not done. It’s just a little bit slick right now. Don’t give up. Don’t end it all. Eat lots of ice cream. Watch a sad movie. Or, if you’re like my mama, watch a movie where things get blown up. Spend a day in sweats. Sit on your bed, listen to the Titanic soundtrack and write a new blog post. Just remember, eventually, everything will get better. You’re not always going to feel this pain; this regret; this sting; this longing. It will pass.

I love you family. I love you my dear friends. I am deeply sorry to those I've hurt or offended. I’m sorry that I don’t always have the right words to say or when I say too much. But I can assure you that that was not my intent. I only want you to be happy; happy and with the people you love. Sometimes you don’t know the whole story. Ask me if you want to know the whole truth.

Loves for now!