A Letter to You

I still remember the knots in my stomach as I drove to the frozen yogurt shop in American Fork to meet the first 2 people I was ever going to admit the truth to. I was 19 - I was recovering from 3 years of anorexia, bulimia and self-harm. I had deferred my semester at BYU to try to put my life back together and I was feeling more confused than ever before in my life. How could I feel this way? I’m Megan; good-girl “Meg Clegg” who never got her nose dirty and always had her ducks in a row. What do I do? I just needed one boy to come into my life and change everything - take me to the temple, make me a mother and everything would be okay. Right?

You know what I mean though - you’re the one living it.

I’m you 5 years from now. I know you think about me a lot. You wonder where I am. You hope I have everything “figured out”. I think about you a lot too. There is so much I know you need to hear. I know you’re scared - you’re scared that someone will find out the truth. Or worse, you’re scared that how you feel deep inside is the truth after all - the life you’re “supposed” to want isn’t really the life you want at all.

There’s a reason why you can’t sleep at night, why you’ll ultimately prefer living alone than with others and why you take those long deep breaths in the shower before you turn the faucet off. You know who you are deep down and you know what you want your life to be. You also know what mom and dad want your life to be, what the high school yearbook expects your life to be and what you think everyone hopes your life will be. You’re scared because going against everything they want for you will upset their plans; it will hurt them. It will disappoint them. So, we became what everyone else wanted us to become instead of becoming what we wanted to become. Why did I let it get this far? Why did I let 5 years go by? Too much time has passed and you - the 19 year old girl walking into the frozen yogurt shop and admitting for the first time that you didn’t want that life - deserves to let herself have the dream that she wanted.

I know it’s scary to feel like your whole life is spinning out of control. I know what that feels like. I want you to remember something - you are who you are and you are pretty incredible! Love is love is love. Love is beautiful. Love is happy. Don’t waste your time forcing yourself to love - or even like someone - just because you’re “supposed” to. Disregard the gender, disregard the stereotypes. And just love who your heart chooses. This is where you are right now - I’m happy to tell you that when you get to be me, this will be something you know and accept and embrace.

You’re going to walk away from something that was once very precious to you - religion. You’ve been ready to make this step for a long time - a long, long time - but there’s been one thing that’s held you back: everyone else. You’re not worried about what they’ll think or how they might judge you. “Judge away!”, you’ll say. You just don’t want to hurt anyone and you know leaving Church would disappoint a lot of people. This is where I come in. This is my battle and it’s my turn to be brave. I’ve kept my toes in the door because I thought if I did, it wouldn’t hurt the people I love as much. It would...help make the transition easier. Now, I realize, that all that’s done is prevented me from sincerely and authentically moving forward with my life; from enjoying my life and living my life in the way I want to. To put it frankly - it’s bull shit and I do not and will not do it any longer.

The greatest disservice you are doing to yourself is trying to please everyone around you by not having an opinion. Or, by keeping your opinion what it’s always been, even if you don’t believe it anymore. Stop that - stop being what you think everyone wants you to be and start being who you are. You are crippling yourself and denying your chance for living a life of adventure, joy, laughter and happiness. Allow yourself to be free - allow yourself to live.

Life has been quite a journey for us so far. But, until this point - until this day - we’ve only been taking life a day at a time. Now it’s time to start living it! And not just living it; enjoying it! Meeting new people, making new friends, trying new foods, traveling the world. Fall in love, break up, make up. Laugh, dance, play, talk - be free! Drink the extra shot and take an Uber home, get to know the janitor at work - he has an amazing story, learn how to make Creme Brulee, and face your fear of alligators. Don’t be so concerned about keeping your life together, settling down or “figuring it out”. Just be concerned about how you can be a better person, how you can pay it forward or how to put a smile on the face of a child. Stop sweating the little things - now it’s time to just live.

You’re just going to have to trust me on this, but you’re going to meet some incredible people in the next few years. They’re going to fall in love with you just as much as you fall in love with them. You’re not that different, and you’re definitely not alone.

There is one thing we believe in wholeheartedly - that everyone deserves to be happy, even us. It’s our turn now.

Until we meet - I’ll see you in the mirror.

Goodnight Prayer

Some evenings, I kneel down and the words flow easily and without hesitation. On other nights, nights like tonight, the spoken word doesn't materialize quite as readily. I think I will put my evening prayer on paper tonight:  

Tonight, one of my dearest of friends came over for dinner. Rachel Duffin is a good person who bad things have happened to. She has made a lot of “opp’s” and “uh-oh’s”. She has braved near-death accident[s] and a father who forgot what it means to be a dad. After 11 years, she is still someone I want to talk to for hours (just like all those nights in high school and college when we pulled all-nighters talking on the phone about nothing and everything). After 11 years, she is still someone I want to confide in - even though we’re still as different as the night is from the day. After 11 years, she is still someone I want to protect and defend. After 11 years, she is still someone I pray for. If you remember, could you send your best angel - the most patient, and, if you could spare, one with a fair taste in music - her way? It’s not to say she’s doing poorly; she’s not. But, we once promised each other we’d be one another’s guardian angel and now, there’s not much of a place for me in her life. I don’t really fit that role anymore. I haven’t been able to for a long time. Would you please send one down, special for Rach? She’s stubborn and takes a lot of pushing before she opens up, but when she does, what a beautiful treasure one will behold. You know this though. Let all those around her see it too. Rachel is someone special. 

Traveling down memory lane tonight created an opportunity to think over the last few years. Rachel and I used to spend hours dreaming about what our lives would become. Do you remember what we used to daydream? I am beyond happy with where my life has led, but I do apologize for "deviations" I made in the plan, because of my stubbornness or pride or inability to look beyond "the now". I'm sorry I needed some of those particular experiences to teach me what I needed to learn. You know what I mean. Thank you for providing a Savior. There would be no point in getting up and trying each day if it weren’t for Him; and you. Thank you for being merciful and seeing me as your child and not as filth. Thank you for the Atonement. Thank you for second chances. 

As I sit at my pretty desk in my sort-of-put-together-office, I am reminded of how blessed I am. How many 23 year olds have an office in their own home? I am blessed with a wonderful job, working side by side with people I adore and respect. I am blessed with earthly parents who taught me how to work hard, how to budget my money, and how to appreciate what I have. I am blessed with life experiences - a college education, travels through Europe, a broken heart, and the relationship we formed while together we put the pieces back together again, creating the woman I am today. I choose you. I choose to live in the footsteps of Jesus Christ. This is not because I’ve been “told” to. This is not because I’ve never known anything else. It is for this very reason that I never want to know anything but the inexpressible and indescribable peace and direction that comes from following in your plan. I choose to be a Latter-day Saint. Sometimes that means not getting what I think I want now. That also means that I'm counting on - and have faith in - what beauty lies in store that surpasses all of those temporary relationships or things I think I'm missing out on. 

As my prayers always conclude, let me put in a plug for my sweetheart, wherever he may be. If he’s still lost up that tree, perhaps send a fire engine his way. Or, maybe a ladder? A step stool perhaps?

Wherever he is, keep him safe. Watch over him. Don’t let him do anything too crazy (or maybe you should because heaven only knows that nonsense is going to have to stop when we meet). But, when the time is right, please send him to me. I know I’m a little bit weird. I know that one day I’m going to have to quit living under the delusion that my movie collection can stay in alphabetical order or that the forks will remain neatly stacked as they so currently are in my kitchen drawer, but I will give that all up if I can find my special worthy priesthood bearer who will dance with me to Amos Lee or Aretha Franklin and spend the evenings putting together puzzles and maybe even love me enough to see Celine Dion in concert in Vegas (am I pushing it on that last one??). Please help him to understand that I don’t need a knight in shining armor to rescue me. I already rescued myself. I don’t need someone to take care of me. Let me walk them through my house, through my car, through my bank account…I can take care of myself. Just teach him that I merely need someone to be my partner. Someone to take my hand and walk through life with. Someone to have a family with. Someone to laugh with, someone to hold, someone to kiss, someone to love. I’m not perfect and I’ll try his patience, but you know me better than anyone. Send the man who will love me enough to give me a second chance when I tell him I don’t like the way he vacuums (I know, I know I’ve got to relax a little).

I love you, Father. When will the day arrive when I will kneel at your feet? Will I be ready? May I sleep well through this night and have the chance to try a little harder and a little better tomorrow.  

A Savior is Born

I’m constantly being reminded that life is not all about “work”. Those who know me - or even met me - will very easily notice that I care about my job immensely. I love working for Jamberry and with everything it’s done for me, the long days, weekends and yes, even holidays, while sometimes difficult, are generally something I’m happy to do, when I think of the big picture. This dedication to the job, however, leaves little time for the “extras”, for my weekends are very coveted and generally dedicated to laundry, cleaning my already clean house (I mean, if we’re being honest here), running errands, or truth be told, giving myself a little “me” time (e.g. nap time). With that in mind, as the end of 2015 is drawing nearer, I’ve been thinking about my 2016 goals and one of them is to start writing again. Oh, how I love to write and I’m not referencing anything to do with emails, action plans, briefings, coachings, reminders, and most especially anything to do with nails wraps! One of the ways I wanted to kick off my resurrection of writing was sharing my love for Christmas. 

I love everything about Christmas time. About 6 pm Christmas Eve, I become about 8 years old again and start dancing around the kitchen with anticipation of what the next 12 or so hours will bring. I love waking up to stockings filled with goodies - and to this day, will argue with anyone who disagrees that my stocking is not the cutest in the whole wide world. I love seeing presents wrapped under the tree. I love drinking Southern Comfort egg nog; or “Christmas Milk” as my mom calls it. I love Christmas decorations. I love the same 10 holiday songs merely sung in a different tune by just about every artist on the planet. I love Christmas dinner - it is truly my most favorite meal of the entire year. I love Christmas movies. I love Christmas lights, especially at night when I can see the way they look against pretty ornaments, the wall, or, if I’m lucky, by a fire place. I love getting frozen into a popsicle in order to visit the Christmas lights at Temple Square. I love the generosity and focus of service during a month where so many others focus solely on receiving. I love the story of the birth of the Savior - the prophesy given from Samuel years before, the fulfillment of such prophesy in both the Book of Mormon and the Bible. I love to read about Mary and Joseph - while it may not be written down, I’ve always had the sense that Mary and Joseph were exceptionally mindful and loving of the other. I delight in the humility and simplicity of that Christmas night, where the Savior of the World came to earth, not as a mighty being, but as a small babe, wrapped in swaddling clothes. It is this baby I owe my whole heart and my whole life. Instead of dedicating the next few minutes to “Frosty the Snowman” or “Baby, It’s Cold Outside”, I wish to share my love for that sweet baby born on a Christmas night years ago. 

I love babies. I love kissing their soft, chubby cheeks. I love their innocence. I love that as I hold them close and look into their beautiful eyes, I am seeing a little bit of Heaven radiating back at me. Still, I am not naive enough to think that that angelic child could ever “save” me. Babies need me to feed them, to change their diapers, to rock them to sleep, to hold them when they’re scared, to talk to them when they’re happy and ultimately, love them unconditionally so they know they are wanted and protected and adored.  At Christmas time, I celebrate the birth of the Savior. I am celebrating the birth of a baby, who at one time, needed the exact same things that I needed. What a beautiful, humbling thought this is for me! A man, born to save the souls of humankind, did not come to Earth with a reception of angels and lights and trumpets, but with the accompaniment of a single, new star, shining above a stable no one wanted, in a manager fit for much less than a King...to be just like me. 

I bear testimony of that sweet baby; for He grew up and lived a perfect life. He was the only person in world history who ever could or ever will.  I believe Him to be the Man of Miracles, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. I believe He was born for each of us; He was born for me. And if it were only me, I believe He still would have done everything He did for each of us. He is our Savior. He is our advocate. He is our friend. With Christmas time in full swing, it's allowed me to stop and think what all of this really means for me personally. There is a quote by Chieko Okazaski (love her!) whose put her idea of this into much better words than me:  

“We know that on some level, Jesus experienced the totality of mortal existence. It’s our faith that He experienced everything - absolutely everything. That means Jesus knows what it felt like when your mother died of cancer - how it was for your mother, how it still is for you. He knows what it felt like to lose the student body election. He knows that moment when the brakes locked and the car started to skid. He experienced that slave ship sailing from Ghana to Virginia. He experienced napalm in Vietnam. He knows about drug addiction and alcoholism...There is nothing you have experienced as a woman that He does not also know and recognize. On a profound level, He understands about pregnancy and giving birth. He knows about PMS and cramps and menopause. He understands about rape and infertility and abortion…His last recorded words to His disciples were, ‘And lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world’ (Matt. 28:20). What does it mean? It means He understands a mother’s pain when her 5 year old leaves for kindergarten, when a bully picks on your fifth grader, when your daughter calls to say the new baby has Down’s Syndrome. He knows a mother’s rage when a trusted babysitter sexually abuses your 2 year old; when someone gives your 13 year old drugs; when someone seduces your 17 year old. He knows the pain you live with when you come home to a quiet apartment, when you hear your former husband and his new wife were sealed in the temple last week; when your 50th wedding anniversary rolls around and your husband has been dead for two years. He knows all that. He’s been there. He’s been lower than all that.”

Lighten Up, pg. 174-175

I was first given this quote when I was a young teenager attending my first EFY. It’s always brought me tears as I’ve substituted Chieko’s descriptions for my own. I would encourage anyone to take a moment and think about "what it means" for YOU. I want to share some of the personal things that that sweet baby we celebrate this time of year experienced and ultimately overcame just for me.  

For me, it means Jesus knows what it felt like lying in a hospital room and being told my life was forever changed by an auto-immune disease, brought on by my own choices. 

It means Jesus knows what it felt like to have to retake Statistics not once, not twice, but THREE times before I could pass. I am my mother's daughter and we do not do math. 

It means Jesus knows what it felt like to feel like nothing; to feel unworthy of love and respect and thereby allow others to abuse and manipulate. This also means He knows what’s it’s like to learn and grow and overcome what once I never felt I could escape. He knows how it feels to feel free, to feel whole, to feel forgiven, to feel peace. 

It means He understands the pain of listening to so many speak of the very thing I want most; a lover just for me and a family just for "us". It means He understands the heartache of cooking dinner, eating dinner, and cleaning up dinner alone and talking out loud just to fill the silence of an empty home (as cute as that home might be). It means He understands how it feels when you really think you’re going to be alone because you feel like no one could ever love the real you. 

I share these vulnerable moments to hopefully exercise the point of the same conclusion I have reached over and over again: we have a brilliant, compassionate, merciful, forgiving, loyal, perfect Brother, who follows in the footsteps of His and our Heavenly Father. It was Heavenly Father, who in His wisdom, crafted a Plan of Happiness which included a very significant birth, on a very simple night thousands of years ago. This is what I celebrate this Christmas season. I celebrate the birth of my Savior, my eternal Brother who knew what I would have to endure and overcome and decided I was worth it. I truly stand all amazed at the love Christ offers me. 

May we all remember the true reason of the season - not the presents, not the lights, not the “stringy potatoes” (though, I would still be very heartbroken if any were missing) - but the Savior’s love for each of us, for each of you. His birth means our safe passage home. His birth means there is nothing that can happen to us that He cannot comprehend and has not already overcome.

I am grateful for that small baby, for He did and does save me every day. I am grateful for His humble birth. I am grateful for His triumph life. I eagerly await when I can kneel before Him again and sing "Hallelujah" to His name. 

Merry Christmas!  

I Need the Other Brother Too

When meeting with my Bishop this past week, we began to have a discussion regarding our undeniable need for the Savior in our lives, including at the beginning, in the pre-existence; now, in what could arguably be one of, if not the most difficult, stretches of the Plan of Happiness; and in the Millennium, in which each of us will kneel before the Lord Himself. My Bishop and I began to express our gratitude for the Savior and how without Him, we would be subjected to the cruelties of the Adversary’s plan; a life filled without Agency, without pure, unquestionable love and without the immeasurable joy that comes when making the right decisions ourselves. We concluded that in spite of the shameless, sometimes brutal attempts to deter every son and daughter of God from the pathway Home; in spite of the hot tears that run down your cheeks when trying so hard to overcome weakness and temptation, or the feelings of loneliness, inadequacy, and defeat every man or woman has or will feel sometime during their mortal experience, each and every one of us needs Satan too. 

I, like so many others, grew up in a good home, with loving parents who taught me the principles of the Gospel and by their example, how to live a righteous life. My testimony had ample opportunities for nourishment and growth as every week, I went to Church, visited with peers, learned of scriptural heroes in Sunday School and the value of Womanhood in Young Women’s.  My love and trust in the Savior was undoubtedly solid by the time I reached adulthood. It is when we reach adulthood, I’ve discovered, that the Adversary and his followers, like to play tricks, confuse, distract, harm, hurt, spoil and alienate. It’s both ironic and frustrating that the older I become and the more mature my testimony grows, it is still so easy for Satan to “get to me”. Why? Why when I know I’m doing good work at my job, I feel like I’m not doing enough? Why when I know I’ve been a good friend, I feel like no one likes or appreciates me? Why when I know I am Daughter to the Creator of Heaven and Earth, I feel as small as a grain of salt? I have a theory, or at least, a theory in progress (consider this the "Gospel of Megan"): Satan knows he was and is wrong. His plan was not God’s plan and would never work.  There was no hope or chance of success. This “failing” makes him angry and while his only success was fooling 1/3 of the Lord’s children in the pre-existence, he hopes to take and make miserable as many sons and daughters, who have already chosen correctly once, down to the depths of his loneliness and self-hatred. It’s because of his own evil pride that he yearns more than anything else to destroy the happiness that comes from following in the footsteps of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. So, it makes sense to me that when we are doing the right things and making the right choices, potholes come into our lives. It makes sense to me that when we decide to go to the temple, our calendars “magically” become fuller. It makes sense to me that come Sunday, you’d rather just relax at home instead of curling your hair, slipping on the Steve Maddens and going to Church. It makes sense to me that society thinks young LDS adults are boring because we don’t party in the traditional ways of the world, substituting beer and alcohol for Root Beer Floats and dance floor grinding [ick! so yucky - talk of personal space!] for Guitar Hero or Mario Cart.  It makes sense to me that when we’re adhering to the Commandments and trying our best, certain thoughts can come to mind that don’t come from the Lord, but from that annoying “1/3” who are just trying to make your day a little harder. 

The follow up question might be then: if Heavenly Father is so loving and so merciful, why would He ever let Satan do such things to His children? The reason in my eyes is simple: it is because Heavenly Father loves me (and YOU) and desires each of us to be like Him. This possibility could not be a reality unless we came to Earth, received a body, endured temptations (which only come from help of Satan) and overcome them triumphantly by and only through the Atonement of Heavenly Father’s begotten Son, Jesus Christ.  What a gift! What absolute love encompassed in such a yearning for each of His children. I thank Heavenly Father; I thank Him for letting me endure temptations, struggle through (and sometimes fail) at trials, because in His infinite wisdom, He knew such failings would occur and prepared a way for me to come back to Him. And all the while, allowing me to be the one to choose such actions for myself. And never, ever would or will He allow us to walk and endure alone. He only required this of One and that One overcame. There is a beautiful quote by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland that reads:

“In the Gospel of Jesus Christ, you will have help from both sides of the veil, and you must never forget that. When disappointment and discouragement strike - and they will - you remember and never forget that if our eyes could be opened, we would see horses and chariots of fire as far as the eye can see, riding at reckless speed to come to our protection. They will always be there, these armies of Heaven, in defense of Abraham’s seed”. 

-- For Times of Trouble, 18 March 1980

I know that the Savior lives. I also know that the Adversary is real. He does not like us. He does not want what is best for us. He is the Father of all Lies, he is the great manipulator, he is deceitful and he is the epitome of evil. But, he is also necessary for each of our eternal growth. Without him, we would never know the blessings and peace and freedom that come from living righteously and being embraced by the light of the Gospel and the only true Son of God, the Prince of Peace and Creator of Heaven and Earth, Jesus Christ. Without him, we would never know what it’s like to be forgiven and to be clean, for we would never know what it’s like to be dirty. Without him, we would never know what it’s like to be forgiven, for we would never know what it’s like to have sinned. Without him, we would never know what it’s like to feel sincere, authentic love, for the Adversary knows not what such emotion or action is. By the Adversary’s awful, no-good, terrible, sometimes endless feelings evoked on us, we can be lifted up, embraced, comforted, fortified, and ceaselessly loved by our Heavenly family. I do not thank him, but I do recognize that in this part of the Plan of Happiness, I need Satan too; because without having glimpses of the bad could I ever hope to know, appreciate and thrive in the good.

I know that God lives. I know that He allows us these experiences for our benefit. I know that with these experiences can come heartache, and when such pain comes, the Savior and His Angels will never leave our side. We are His brothers and sisters. We are posterity to a Heavenly King and He will never abandon us. He will never forsake us. We are His treasures and I believe He wants each of us to come Home to Him as quickly as we can. Thank you for allowing me to crash and burn every once in a while, because now I know how to pick myself up and positively move forward. I am grateful and need Jesus Christ; I also admit that I also need the other brother too. 

San Francisco

For the last couple years, Caroline and I have been talking about going on a "real" vacation together. Last week, we finally made our wish come true. The pair of us spent the better part of a week exploring San Francisco, California.

We made plans to fly out on Wednesday afternoon. Unfortunately, due to severe rain and wind in California, our flight had to be delayed by a few hours. However, I was reminded that being stuck at an airport isn't too bad. When we ultimately arrived in San Francisco, we gathered our bags and wits and took a taxi to the hotel. Our taxi driver was insane. Caroline consoled me with wise words of comfort: "just pet your purse, Meggy". Thanks, C! I guess lamb skin has the potential for curing passenger anxiety ;)  Our hotel was 2 blocks from Fisherman's Warf - one of my favorite piers to explore in San Francisco. Caroline and I quickly learned that Fisherman's Warf in the winter is considerably different than Fisherman's Warf in the summer. After grabbing a bite to eat on the deserted boardwalk, Caroline nearly stepped on someone's hand. We looked down and realized we were strolling the normally crowded street now completely occupied by homeless men and women making their beds for the night. With a look of determination (and a little apprehension) we rushed back to the comfort of our hotel.

Each morning, Caroline and I savored in a delightful Denny's breakfast and each meal was delicious in my belly. We spent Thursday exploring the shops and restaurants surrounding Fisherman's Warf. We were greeted by the welcoming committee of "San Francisco Birds Inc." and learned pigeons are not afraid of close proximity to humans.

Birds will swarm when presented with food. This we witnessed all in about 3 seconds

I think birds are dirty creatures. If you're willing to eat something out of a garbage can, I just can't take you seriously anymore...

Thursday afternoon, we took a boat ride to Sausalito. Sausalito is a unique, modest town, right off the water. While known for it's wealthy home owners, I loved the simplicity. Besides the houses spotting the large hills, there was only 1 main road, lined with art galleries, boutiques and restaurants. One of the two art galleries we explored housed an oil painting depicting the "Tree of Life". It stopped both Caroline and I in our tracks. It was breathtaking.

It was a tad chilly on the boat ride. Well worth the wind chill though :)

After returning to San Francisco, we went to the Waterfront Restaurant. The restaurant is located on the cusp of the water, with a beautiful view of Alcatraz, the bridge and water. The seafood is tempting. I had a bite of Caroline's lobster and even I would agree; it was yummy! Melina, I thought of you the whole time :)

 For all us left handed folks out there

Trish's Mini Donut's are my favorite (and only) doughnut's I will eat. They are so delicious!

Friday was our designated shopping day. Our first stop was Union Square. I had never been to Union Square before, but it was fun to explore. I had my first experience with Saks Fifth Avenue and I must say, I will dream of some of the shoes there, though, I will have to work a couple extra jobs in order to even dream of purchasing them. We went to a seven-story Macy's and I insisted on writing a letter to Santa Clause. I still believe that Christmas wishes come true.

After Union Square, we walked to Chinatown. Caroline wanted to sift through a couple stores and I was reminded of my last adventure to San Francisco with Melina and her friend, Seth. They both appreciated Chinatown as much as Caroline did. As the day was nearing its in, our feet began to hurt and our hands were filled with shopping bags. We hailed a cab and rode back to the hotel. For dinner, we went to Boudins, my favorite restaurant in San Francisco.  They are known for, in my opinion, the best sourdough bread. Mom, it only made me a tiny bit sick. Well worth it though :) I ordered a steak, garlic potatoes and asparagus. Moment of silence for my meal please...

On Saturday, we rented a car and drove to a stunning lookout point, capturing a breathtaking view of the Golden Gate Bridge, the water and the city. On our drive over, we drove across the Golden Gate Bridge and I turned on the Full House theme song. I think Caroline is still mad at me, but I hold NO REGRETS! The lookout point was gorgeous and we were lucky enough to have the fog lift for a few moments of optimum picture taking. Caroline gave me a brief history lesson as we walked up to some World War II bunkers on the main hills overlooking the port.

In the afternoon, we drove to the Muir Woods. Exploring the woods was one of my favorite activities on our vacation...everyone, try to hold your gasps of shock. I had never heard of the Muir Woods prior to the trip, but they were alluring to me. The woods are a quiet place; a sound I had forgotten about. Being surrounded by green foliage and soft creeks reminded me of my childhood in Oregon and I felt close to Heavenly Father. I relished in the moments I could spend away from the hussle-and-bussle of "real life" - no cell phone service, no stressing about work, no to-do lists. We brought lunches with us for the walk. We ate next to a secluded creek and enjoyed the sounds of nature over Lunchables and Peanut Butter M&M's. What more could you ask for?

You really can never be too careful when posing in front of trees. Doing a little "once-over" before turning my back...

Because we had a car, we wanted to utilize our transportation as much as possible. Therefore, after the Muir Woods, we went for a drive through Sonoma and Napa Valley to take a peek at the unique vineyards. I am continually astonished with Heavenly Father's creativity. He has designed such a beautiful world for His children to live in.

The last big thing we did in San Francisco was meander through Ghirardelli Square. I have a love for Ghirardelli Square, as it's where many fond memories were created on my AP Art History trip with my fellow classmates my senior year of High School. I will never forget each of our expressions when we walked in and smelled the scent of warm chocolate.

I'm grateful I could get away and spend time in the lively city of San Francisco with my dear friend, Caroline. I'm grateful that despite our differences, we can and are still valuable to one another. Thanks for giving us a good trip, San Fran! I can't wait for next time.

Loves!

I'm Grateful

I have been so closely watched over and blessed in 2014. I want to share some of the beautiful tender mercies and blessings the Lord has shared with me this year: 

My mom has a sign hanging in one of the entrances of my parent's house that says "Remember: to the rest of the world, we're a nice, normal family". I am grateful for my nice, normal and "secretly" dysfunctional family. I am grateful for my "goodly parents"; for their examples, for their wisdom and advice and for their consistent love expressed to my sisters and I. I am grateful for Melina and her passion for life! As we speak, we're planning a trip to Hawaii for 2015 and while it is giving me grey hairs now, I'm hoping that'll all clear up once I'm drinking a pina colada in Maui :) In September, Miss Sarah Esther Berning smiled her way into each of our hearts. Being an auntie is a blessing I thank the Lord for each day. I love my sweet Jacob and Sarah and love their good parents, Mark and Elise. I am overjoyed that their family will be moving back to Draper in December. Once Elise moves back to Utah, we will all be within 30 minutes of each other. I am grateful to have extended family close by. My life has been so positively changed year after year from spending time with them. I am grateful that families can be together forever. I am grateful for the assurance of knowing that even when we don't like each other, we still love each other.  

My friends are individuals I thank Heavenly Father for each day because I firmly believe they were gift wrapped and sent priority mail from Heaven, just for me. I am grateful for my "Orem Family". I am grateful for all the times Taylor and Landon have let me fall asleep on their couch - if I'm good, Landon will even put a blanket over me :) I'm grateful for Sunday dinners when Landon cooks yummy steaks on the grill for each of his "3 wives" and for all the times Tay and I have exchanged "the look" when C and Lando start chatting politics. I am grateful for Caroline who seems to understand me better than most and is one of the few who can sincerely put a smile back on my face when I've had a rough day. I can't wait to go to San Francisco with her next week. Though she's far away now, I'm grateful Hailey has found her sweetheart and can be with him as he's serving our country in the Marines. Hailey, I miss you, but know you are certainly not forgotten and you are someone to be grateful for every day. I am fortunate enough to work with not only coworkers, but friends as well. Aubrie is my dear "work-wife" and how much I love that girl! I'm so grateful for our chats each day. I'm grateful for Ali and for all those times she's stayed late after work to talk to me. She is a strength I hope to be one day. 

After the Katy Perry concert with Caroline. Such a good show!

Ali and I spent our lunch break buying the new Taylor Swift album at Target

When I graduated from Brigham Young University in April, I did not realize I was entering what would become a difficult few months of what I like to call "Megan's mid-20's life crisis". Where was I going to work? How will I support myself? Do I stay in Provo? Do I move back to Salt Lake? My "plan" clearly stated I would be married by now. Aren't I supposed to have a partner to help me make all these decisions?? Suddenly I am a real adult?! AH! My sweet mother and friends heard all these thoughts and more repeatedly and what great sports they were. It did not occur to me right away that the Lord was shaping my path for something much bigger than I could ever expect. After spending the evening with my Aunt Sara and Uncle Jim, I asked Sara if she could help me get a job at Jamberry Nails, a company she was working for from home. Jamberry was simply to be a temporary job for the summer while I worked on my applications for teaching Art History in the fall. So beginning in May, I began to work 12-9 in their Shipping Department. Let's me be honest here for a minute: there were a lot of crying fits in those first few weeks. I was a college graduate working in the Shipping Department?! What the hell am I doing here (pardon my French)?? Silly me, thinking the Lord didn't have a plan in store. By July, I had transferred departments and was working within Customer Support with some phenomenal people and getting a real sense for what the company was all about. In September, I applied for one of two supervisor positions available. Much to my delight, I was offered the job. Now in November, I'm busy as a Customer Support Supervisor, helping to create a busy department with some of the best individuals out there. Jamberry has been by far the biggest unexpected tender mercy of 2014, but oh, how grateful I am for that company in Lindon, Utah. I enjoy my job and I enjoy the people and atmosphere I work in each day even more. What was supposed to be my "temporary summer job" has now turned into my life (let's be honest here, my life pretty much consists of Jamberry) and I'm not planning on walking away anytime soon. 

As previously mentioned, in April I graduated from Brigham Young University with my Bachelor's Degree in Art History and Curatorial Studies. As those who work with me can attest, I am very proud of this accomplishment. I was blessed with tremendous teachers, peers and experiences that have continued to shape my life. I am grateful to have traveled throughout Europe a couple years ago and the experiences learned that still impact me today. I am grateful for art and the messages conveyed in the stroke of a brush. 

In October, my best friend Taylor asked if I would be interested in moving into her apartment, as she and Landon were getting a bigger home. The apartment is part of a four-plex in Orem and just the right size for me: 2 bedrooms, bathroom/laundry room, kitchen and front room. After much prayer, I took Taylor up on her offer. It was a struggle to make the decision to move back to Utah County. As most could tell you, I am not a fan. However, I've learned through so many experiences this year that the Lord truly has a plan for me and when the Spirit is prompting me to go, it's probably for a good reason. Admittedly, it's been a blast to go furniture shopping, pick out my own curtains and book shelves and arrange my kitchen and bathroom the way I like. A few nights ago, I sat on my new couches, looked around and thought "wow - I made it". 

*Pictures to come later. It still needs a few touches before it's camera ready :)

Since I was a little girl, I wanted to "grow up". Now that I have, I catch myself wishing I could go back to the days of playing house on Saturday afternoons with my childhood best friend, Zoe. Still, I'm grateful for this stage of life. I'm grateful to be here. I have a job I love so much, where so many have neither. My family is near to me, while so many live far away from their loved ones. I have tremendous friends who care about me, while others have none. I may be sick a lot of the time, but I can generally function (most of the time), where I know so many cannot. I have a house I can call a home, where I can feel safe and comfortable, where so many have much less. Above all, I have the knowledge of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and a relationship with my Heavenly Father. I know I am His daughter and I am not forgotten or ignored. I am grateful for His son, Jesus Christ. I am grateful He came to earth to live a perfect life and perform mighty miracles. I'm grateful He willingly died for me. Without such a selfless act, I would never stand a chance of kneeling before Him again. I am grateful for tender mercies. I know these blessings are real and poured upon each of us every day, whether we recognize them or not.  

I wouldn't be writing honestly if I didn't put in some of the more superficial things that I will openly admit to being enormously grateful for:

     I am grateful for pancakes, strawberries and Nutella on Saturday mornings, followed by hot showers with no where else to go.

        I am grateful for Netflix and the excellent way it allows me to unwind. Mindless Entertainment is such a blessing! Go Pretty Little Liars and Law and Order: SVU! 

        I am grateful for Pier One, RC Willey and IKEA who each helped turn my new house into a new home. 

     I am grateful for IBC Root Beer on my hard days, for Sprite on my sick days and for Dr. Pepper any day. 

       I am grateful for modern technology that lets me communicate with anyone; even, and perhaps most especially those who live too far away.

      I am grateful for my comfy bed that I collapse in each night and for my Pandora stations I fall asleep to.

        I am grateful for Pinterest. Period.

        I am grateful for my Criquet, which is turning all my college memories into lovely scrapbooks. 

      I am grateful for Excedrin, without which I could not hope to function throughout the day. On that note, I am also grateful for Advil, Tylenol, and Tums.

    I am grateful for the holiday season that has now officially started. Christmas is my most favoriteist, FAVORITEIST time of year. Bring on the snow, lights, "Grinch" and presents. 

Happy Thanksgiving to all! May we all find something to be grateful for today. 

Loves!  

    

The Clegg's "Boston Tea Party"

Last Thursday evening, Mom, Dad, Melina and I loaded the car and drove to the Salt Lake City Airport. I, who is known NOT to fly well, was well equipped with my Dramamine and headphones and off we flew to Boston, Massachusetts. My Grandma Dixie is currently serving an LDS mission at the Boston National Archives, scanning historic documents dating from the late 18th - early 19th century into the Family History website. Her birthday was the following Monday and we wanted to spend it with her. Melina and I were very excited to be taking a vacation with [NEARLY] our entire family (we'll get the Berning Bunch with us for the next road trip!) after so many years. Let the adventure begin!

We arrived late Friday morning - August 8th. After a 5 hour flight and trying to gain control of our jet lag, we decided on the most obvious choice: food. We found an iHop in Cambridge, near Harvard University. After eating, we walked around the campus. Holy BEAUTIFUL! I love the New England architecture. I love the tall, full trees that have witnessed so much of our nation's history. I love the spirit of intelligence and learning that exists among the students. What it would be to go to school in such an environment! 

Outside the Main Gates of Harvard University 

Mom sneaking pictures again....staring at the Harvard Library architecture 

After we couldn't stand it any longer, we drove to our hotel for some shut eye before meeting Grandma for dinner. Dad was our driver and somehow, I was deemed "designated navigator". Over the course of the trip, I fell completely in love with our rental car. If life goes my way, I will one day purchase a Black Chevrolet Equinox. We quickly learned that drivers in Boston are terrifying; to say the least. They sure are an...aggressive bunch.  Our hotel was strategically placed near a Target, which we utilized several times over our trip (Dr. Pepper, Diet Pepsi, Chocolate, Hair Spray...all necessary). After some much needed sleep, we met Grandma Dixie at her apartment. It was wonderful to see her after so long. I was so proud to see her wearing her black missionary name tag. We went to Panera Bakery for dinner. Very tasty - especially their M&M cookies.

Saturday, the 5 of us walked the Boston Freedom Trail. It was so delightful to take a "walk through history". Along the way, we visited Boston Commons, the Massachusetts State House, the King's Chapel, the site of the Boston Massacre, Faneuil Hall,  Paul Revere's home and grave site and the Old North Church. I firmly believe America came together from divine design. Throughout our walk, I was consistently reminded of how blessed I am to live in this great nation.
  

Papa Smurf LOVES Benjamin Franklin

Reading all about Faneuil Hall 

Faneuil Hall

I met my HERO along the way!

The site of the Boston Massacre 

The Declaration of Independence was first read to Bostonians on this balcony 

Only in Boston can you get a view like this

Paul Revere's Home  

The Old North Church

Members of the congregation would have needed to buy a "pew box" to attend church. Personally, I think this is something we should reconsider.... 

Look at those cuties! 

After dinner, we walked through Beacon Hill. Melina and I fell in love with this neighborhood. I'll take the home with the red door please!

I loved Sunday! After going to Grandma's ward, we drove to Salem, Massachusetts. I was beyond, jumping-in-my-seat, grinning-from-ear-to-ear, excited. My time had finally come to achieve my "Hocus Pocus" badge of honor and I was only to eager to begin. Salem is FASCINATING! I recommend it to everyone. 

 Melina and I had a little too much fun at the Hex: Old World Witchery Store 

 One of the Historic Homes from the Salem Witch Trial Era 

 The Witch Trials Memorial Site. There are 19 rock seats, 1 for each of the individuals killed during the 1692 Salem Witch Trials. Each of their names were engraved in the stone. The memorial is next to the Salem Graveyard. It was very moving.

Future "Mrs. Trophy Wives" hanging out with Samantha from Bewitched

Monday was MY day - Boston Museum Day! It was also Grandma's Birthday! The first thing we did was visit Grandma's "home-away-from home"; the Archives. We chatted with Sister Elmer, Grandma's missionary companion, and learned how they scan the images. 

Grandma Dixie and Sister Elmer

After the Archives, mom and Melina went to explore more of Boston. Grandma, Dad and I went to the Boston Museum. Oh, what wonder lies in art!

Mom's "Abstract Art" at the Dinner Table 

Grandma's birthday dinner was at the Atlantic Fish Company. I am not a "fish" person, but oh my goodness - one of the best meals ever. And our waiter...mmm, Melina and I agreed we'd move to Boston for him. He was...very enjoyable to have around ;) 

Boston was a wonderful trip! I'm so thankful we had the means to visit Grandma and spend her birthday together as a family. Cheers until next time, Boston!

Loves!